Chapter 184

My heavy heart persists into the evening. I haven’t talked much since speaking with Kira, retreating to my room soon after. Not even Bethany could encourage me to speak.

Kira’s words cut into me, straight down to the bone. I don’t want to believe that Caleb only wants me for sex, and that’s all he’ll ever want. But what evidence do I have of the contrary?

I am a member of the harem. Sex is not just my duty, it’s my obligation. Yes, I enjoy it greatly and wouldn’t trade my time with Caleb, but… Kira’s words have seemed to put a taint on my time together with Caleb. She’s tarnished it, in a way.

As night starts to set, Bethany excuses herself for the night. In her place, Caleb enters the room.

His eyes are filled with fiery lust, and my body, trained, reacts in kind.

“I want you,” he says, voice rough.

Easily, I fall into his arms. His mouth covers mine, his tongue diving deep. I match his enthusiasm, so eager to lose myself in him and forget my worries for a time.

He rips my clothes off then tosses me onto the bed like I’m a weightless ragdoll. His eyes drag down my body, tracing over my curves so heavily, I can feel his gaze like a weight on my skin. I gasp as his eyes fall onto my pussy and let my legs fall open so he can look his fill.

Removing his own clothes, he tosses them to the side. Naked, he joins me in the bed. He riles me up quickly with his mouth and his hands.

Soon, I’m clawing at his shoulders and his back, a begging, writing mess.

Lining himself up, he slips himself inside of me and starts fucking me in earnest.

It feels so good, I cry out with each thrust. For a time, he looks in my eyes, and I feel as if he can see straight down into the deepest part of me. Can he see the love I harbor for him?

Does he know the depths of my feelings?

Does he know how much it hurts that he’s marrying someone else?

The thoughts enter my mind unbidden and unwelcome. I try to push them back, focusing on the pleasure, but now that they are in my head, that’s all I can think about.

Kira’s words flash through my mind. You’ll never be more than a tight wet hole to him.

My heart aches fiercely with the memory, pushing me fully out of the moment. Tears well in my eyes and start to fall. I’m not enjoying this anymore. Though it still feels pleasurable, I can’t… It hurts…

Caleb, glancing at my face, immediately stills. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

I’m delirious from the whirlwind of emotions. “It hurts…” I cry.

In an instant, Caleb pulls himself out of me. “What hurts? Should I summon the healer?” His eyes are wide with a measure of panic. Does he think he hurt me? He didn’t; not how he thinks.

But the words are all jumbled up in my throat. My emotions are so strong, it’s hard to communicate.

“Harper,” he says. Gently, he places his hand on my back and rubs up and down. I lean into his touch, closing my eyes, enjoying the feel of him and the softness of his care. After a moment, he pulls me more fully into his arms where he holds me for a time.

When my sobs slowly ease, and I can breathe again, he asks, “Was I too rough? Did I hurt you?”

“No,” I tell him.

“Then why did you cry?”

What would be the purpose in telling him the truth? It wouldn’t change anything, and would just make me feel even more humiliated.

Caleb might care for me in his own way, but that way is not love. His mother doesn’t understand our relationship, but then, neither do I.

I know, even as I try to deny it to myself, that when Annabelle calls for him, as her husband, Caleb will be duty bound to attend to her. When she falls pregnant, things will be even worse.

Whether he wants me just for sex or not will not matter in the end. Regardless of his feelings for me, Annabelle will always have to come first.

Shaking my head, I turn away from him. He doesn’t let me go, tightening his grip around me.

“Tell me,” he demands, adding in his Alpha voice, compelling me to obey.

I keep my mouth tightly closed, unwilling.

“Harper.”

My tears start again. This time, I pull from him more forcefully. With his alpha strength, he could keep holding onto me all night if he wanted to. But this time, perhaps because of my tears, he lets me go.

I crumple up on the comforter, away from him.

He watches me for a while. Then, after a sigh, he stands up. I hear him gather his clothes, dress, then walk across the room. The door opens and closes.

Lifting my head, I find myself alone in the room now.

I don’t feel any better.

Confusion makes Caleb’s head hurt. Weren’t they having a good time? Wasn’t he satisfying Harper enough? She seemed to be enjoying herself very much – right up until the moment she wasn’t.

What changed? Why would she suddenly start crying like that?

She said it wasn’t anything Caleb did, that he hadn’t hurt her. But what then could have been the cause?

At once, a memory flashes through his mind. What did his mother say, something like, Women in love don’t want to share their lovers.

Could that have been what bothered Harper? His upcoming nuptials? Ridiculous.

In his own room, he notices that his tailor delivered his wedding suit. It’s start black with golden inlay, just as he preferred and requested.

He hates that such a sharp suit will be wasted on an occasion as unimportant as this. The nobility would insist that he not wear his wedding suit a second time. More than likely, once he’s done with it, it will sit in a warehouse somewhere, or in a museum, to be gawked at like any of this mattered.

Perhaps his own distain for this wedding is starting to come through.

In truth, he has no desire to be married. If it weren’t for the unrest in his kingdom, he would push back this wedding as much as he possibly could.

Approaching his wedding suit, he tries to think about what to do.

The wedding is making Harper miserable. He’s not particularly happy about it either.

But he’s made commitments. He has to see them through. His advisors and his mother could be right that his being married is a potentially easy way to help improve relations with the commoners. Maybe a wedding could stop this rebellion.

If he has to marry someone, Annabelle is the best choice. She’s of good breeding, from a strong pack, where she’s well-liked. Just her presence in the palace will help cultivate a bigger bond between the capital and her important pack.

Yet, while Annabelle is undoubtedly the best choice, Harper is the one he just can’t stand to lose…