Chapter 186

Seeing Caleb in his wedding suit, I start to lose my nerve.

Why in the world would I think I could convince him now, when he’s ready to go and greet the nobles and other guests? By coming in here, I’m only embarrassing myself.

Mortified by my own impulsive action, I turn around and start to leave.

“Harper,” Caleb calls out.

Shit. I’ve been caught.

“Come here,” he says.

It’s too late to escape from this humiliation. I never should have come here, but I’m here now. I have to face the consequences of my actions.

Gathering my courage, I turn around and walk back toward him.

He watches me approach, unmoving. Eventually, I come to stop about two feet in front of me. He glances down, taking in my outfit. Unlike his mother, he seems unbothered by my utter lack of proper decorum.

For a while, we stand there in silence. Then, finally, Caleb’s voice breaks the quiet.

“You came here for a reason. What is it?”

“I don’t want to say…”

“It’s too late for that,” Caleb says. “Tell me. Now.”

His focus is intense, heavy on me like a touch. He watches me, waiting for me to speak. He’d probably wait all day. Maybe this is how I can convince him not to marry Annabelle. Could I just keep him here, looking at me and me alone for the rest of my life?

It’s a foolish wish, but one made genuinely from an aching heart.

This is my last chance to speak to Caleb before he’s married. I’ve exhausted all other arguments, even the emotional ones.

Maybe it’s time I let this foolish heart speak. After all, it’s the one who made me leave my room and rush to see Caleb. It’s the reason I’m here.

Speak, heart.

I lick my lips, giving me only a minute more to collect myself. Then the words start tumbling out.

“I love you, Caleb, but when I think about sharing you, it makes me want to tear my heart out. I know you don’t understand things as I do. That as a King, you’ve never even considered having a monogamous relationship. You probably didn’t even think it a possibility.

“But I know, if you marry Annabelle today, it will be one of the great tragedies of my lifetime. Because this will be the day that I have to stand and watch the man I love profess his devotion and dedication to another.

“I honestly don’t know if I’m strong enough to endure this. Your duties will demand that you give Annabelle your children, taking even more of my dreams from me. I will watch from the sidelines while someone else lives the life I want for myself.

“I love you, Caleb. I want to be your wife and have your children. I know that’s a fantasy, and it makes me look so naïve. What chance does a disgraced slave girl from a small pack have to be with a King

“But my heart doesn’t see titles. It doesn’t understand impossibilities. It knows what it wants, and what it wants is you. Without sharing. All to myself.”

When I finish with my impassioned speech, I’m out of breath. Most of my speech, I gave to the floor, losing my nerve to speak to his face some time ago. Now, I lift my gaze up to Caleb, and find him staring back at me, just as he was before.

His face is an emotionless mask, but I know he’s thinking. Maybe he’s processing my words, I let myself hope for a moment. Yet, as that moment progresses, a much darker thought comes to mind: maybe he is trying to think of a good way to let me down gently.

He cares for me, that I know. It might not be love, but it’s more than nothing.

Even so, he and I are from two very different worlds.

What does Caleb even know about love? His father had a harem, and he and his mother never got along. Caleb’s brother Evan found a mate, but then Caleb was forced to kill him.

Before I came to live in the palace, I’m not sure Caleb ever knew a gentle touch that did not expect something in exchange. Now that I’ve shown him things can be different, I’m not sure if it’s enough.

He keeps staring.

The lump in my throat thickens. This has to be a rejection. It can’t be anything else.

He has no idea how to turn me down without hurting me.

Lowering my gaze, I spit out quickly, “I’m sorry. Forget I said anything.” Then, without looking at him, I make a hasty retreat to the door.

Caleb watches Harper go, confused by his own tangle of feelings within his chest.

When Harper said those things, he felt… happy, in a way he didn’t know he could feel. Harper loves him. She wants to have his children. She wants to be with him forever.

But she also doesn’t want to share.

Caleb has great affection for Harper. He admires her courage and her spirit. She is beautiful and challenges him in a way that he cannot get enough of.

If he was not a King, he would make her his bride in an instant.

But he is a King. And she is merely a member of his harem. He can spend his nights with her. He could even have children with her, if she wants, but they would never be legitimate.

Caleb could never take her for his wife. She could never be the Luna of this kingdom.

At least, she shouldn’t be.

Caleb wondered if Evan faced the same questions, the same uncertainties when he decided to bring his mate out of the shadows and love her in the light. Or was he more confident? Did he ever doubt for a minute that he was doing the right thing?

With so much turmoil in the kingdom, the rebellion bringing everything to the brink of war, Caleb has to make the right choices. Mistakes could cost people their lives.

Annabelle is a member of a good, strong pack and our partnership would strengthen that alliance. Perhaps it would even convince a few of the rebels to return to Caleb’s side.

But what if it doesn’t?

What if Caleb is making Harper miserable for reasons that simply don’t pan out?

Then he’s bound to Annabelle forever, while Harper is unhappy, and his own mate sickness grows worse and worse, eventually killing him.

In the past, even the chance of protecting his kingdom would be enough to send him walking down the aisle.

But now?

Maybe what he feels for Harper is love. Maybe it’s affection.

Whatever the name of it, it has made him selfish.

When he stares down that aisle, it’s Harper he wants to see in a white dress slowly walking toward him. She’s the one he wants to make vows to, and who he wants to give his mating bite.

Yet, kings cannot make selfish moves like this. I exist only for the good of the kingdom. That is my sole purpose. Not happiness. Not even peace for myself.

If I must suffer so my kingdom flourishes, so be it.

But knowing Harper will also suffer…

It makes me doubt.

A knock sounds on the door. I’m grateful for the distraction from my spiraling thoughts.

“Come in,” I call.

The door opens, revealing a servant. “My King. It’s time for you to come to the Hall. Your guests have arrived.”