Chapter 190

I run all the way back to my room, trembling with shock and upset. Bethany turns to me the moment I come rushing through the door.

“There you are! Where did you go?” she says. She seems angry for a moment, until she fully takes in the state of me. “What happened?”

Shakily, I tell her what I can, about going to see Caleb and then needing fresh air, about overhearing the assassins plotting, about the interaction with Kira, and then about the attack itself and Caleb’s bloody rescue.

Bethany listens quietly the entire time. When I’ve finished, she guides me toward the bathroom so that I can take a hot shower and wash away the blood and grim. When I reemerge from the bathroom, she’s prepared a new outfit for me for the day. It’s just a floral dress, loose-fitting and comfortable.

Dressed and clean, I start to feel a little better. At least physically. Inside, my heart is still shattering to pieces.

“It’s going to be okay,” Bethany says.

“You don’t have to lie to me,” I tell her.

Bethany lowers her head, but quickly she regroups and tries again. “Things aren’t great, and they aren’t fair. But as long as you are alive, they always have a chance to get better.”

“I’ve lost him,” I say. “He’s marrying Annabelle. He wants to. I’ve lost the man I love to someone else and I will always be second in his life now. Once they have children, he will likely forget about me entirely.”

I’m parroting Kira’s words, but in the moment, they feel the most accurate. She was right about so many things.

I should have never allowed myself to develop feelings for Caleb. I knew, even from the start, how foolhardy that would be. Yet still my heart had its own ideas about everything. I fell into him without meaning to, without wanting to.

Now I have to pay the price for letting my heart fall so foolishly.

“You don’t know he will forget you,” Bethany says. “He cares about you in his own way. More than he ever has with any other consort. I don’t think he’ll just throw you aside.”

“But you don’t know,” I say. “And he’s already thrown me aside, hasn’t he? He’s marrying Annabelle. He’s choosing her.”

For the rest of my life, I would be relegated to the sidelines. And there’s nothing I can do about that.

Caleb hates these stuffy ceremonies. He’s had to be nice to all the guests all morning, even while he’s been bored out of his mind. At least the guests’ mortified expressions at his state of dress gave some temporary amusement, but even that has exhausted itself now.

Now, it’s time for the worst of it to begin. He’s standing at the front of the hall, near the chaplain who is to perform the marriage between Caleb and Annabelle. At any moment, the music will change and Annabelle will begin her bridal march toward him.

All of his insides are coiled tightly with dread and disgust.

When he thought of this moment in the past, he knew he wasn’t looking forward to it, but as he considered it a necessity, even an unwanted one, he thought he could endure well enough.

Yet here he now stands, in the moments where everything is about to happen.

And he feels… regret.

This is not the path he would have chosen for himself.

The music changes then, signaling Annabelle’s appearance at the other side of the Hall. He doesn’t turn to look at first, ignoring the curious and pointed glances of the chaplain and the advisors within Caleb’s eye line.

Remembering his mother’s words, her urging that he at least try to make things work with Annabelle, he fully turns around and watches Annabelle approach.

She’s beautiful, he supposes. Traditionally, at least. With a symmetrical face and features that seem proportionate. Her white gown sparkles under the lights, shimmering as she walks closer. She’s holding a bouquet of blooming flowers, with a flower crown to match.

Looking at her, Caleb tries to stir up some feelings. If he could just feel something. It doesn’t have to be as strong as how he feels for Harper, but something in the same vein.

He can admit she’s beautiful. He can admit she will likely be a good Luna.

But that’s where his affections for her end.

The closer she walks toward him, the more Caleb is filled with repulsion. This feels wrong. Everything about it makes him want to recoil, and it is only his extreme force of will and sense of duty that keeps his feet firmly planted.

Aware of the many eyes on his face, he keeps his expression blank, but even that is a struggle in this moment.

His sense of duty is failing him now.

As she comes closer, Caleb can see that Annabelle is smiling wide with brilliant tears in her eyes. She looks for all the world like the blushing brides that are supposed to be the norm.

Caleb knows that husbands in love will look at their brides and see the most radiant, beautiful person – their chosen life partner, the core of their happiness.

When Caleb looks at Annabelle, he sees a woman who will impose herself on him for years to come. She will expect his time, inside and outside of the bed. She will want him to join her for meals. He’s also certain that she will not ask him again to disband his harem, once she has him tied to a commitment with her.

Things will likely only grow even worse when there are children in the mix.

Caleb tries to imagine a family life. He looks forward to children, but not with Annabelle as their mother.

Then there is the matter of Caleb’s mate sickness. His paranoia will not cease. Without his true mate, his symptoms will only grow worse over time. Only Harper has been able to help keep the worst of the symptoms at bay, but if he is expected to spend even less time with Harper…

No. He won’t let that happen.

He will continue to see Harper, regardless of what Annabelle wants.

Yet… Thoughts of Harper’s dejected, rejected face fill his thoughts.

What if, because of his choosing Annabelle today, he starts a chain reaction that eventually leads to Harper not wanting him anymore?

That seems vastly unlikely. Caleb is the Alpha King. Every woman wants to be with him, however they can.

But Harper has never subscribed herself to the normality of what Caleb knows of women. She’s always been difficult, a stubborn challenge who seems to go out of her way to irritate Caleb.

Honestly, he should probably be happy to be rid of her, if that’s how things progress.

He wouldn’t be, though. He’s grown accustomed to Harper, and even looks forward to the way she pushes back on him.

Annabelle will always and forever stay at Caleb’s side, agreeing with his every move. A perfect, demure, little wife.

But that is not what Caleb wants for himself.

After far too long of a procession, Annabelle finally makes it to Caleb’s side. Her smile dims when she sees what he’s wearing. His suit is tattered from his shift. And he wears the blood of his enemies.

She’s pissed, Caleb can tell right away, but he knows she will never say anything.

Harper wouldn’t care.

But then, if this was Harper beside him, Caleb would have changed.

As expected, Annabelle turns toward the chaplain, forcing her gaze away from Caleb. But her lips are curled in disgust, her nose scrunched like she tasted something sour.

Caleb faces forward too, pushing down his own sense of dread.

“Dearly beloved, we gather here today…” The chaplain begins.

Caleb immediately zones him out.

It’s taken Caleb far too long, but he realizes now.

However foolishly, the person he wants beside him is Harper.