Chapter 39

Atwood

I should have suspected that Ruby would break in here after her questions. I should have put a better lock on the door, or posted a guard here to keep her from getting in. I shouldn’t have had my head buried so deep in my work that I wouldn’t notice this sort of thing.

“Are you satisfied with your snooping?” I ask, my voice shaking as I try my best to stay calm and not yell at the girl simply for being overly curious.

She gulps. She looks terrified.

“I-I’m sorry,” she says, backing away from me as I step into the room. “I-It’s just that… Alice and the Queen keep talking about Luna, and… I keep having these visions…”

Of course it’s her visions. Of course, of all things, her visions would show her this, would show her the one thing that I would have preferred to keep a secret forever.

She knocks into a table as she backs away, knocking it and the items on it to the floor. The small hand mirror -- Luna’s hand mirror -- clatters onto the stone floor and shatters. Ruby gasps and stoops to pick up the pieces.

“No!” I boom, unable to control myself any longer as my wolf growls in distress. I grab her by her shirt collar and drag her from the room, practically throwing her out. “You don’t ever come in here, do you understand me?! You don’t ever! Why can’t you just do as your told for once in your life?!”

A whimper escapes Ruby’s lips and tears begin to roll down her cheeks, snapping me out of my anger and bringing me to my senses. Despite her transgressions, I can’t stay angry at her.

“Ruby, I-” I begin, but it’s too late. She bolts away from me, disappearing down the corridor before I have a chance to apologize.

I sigh, running a shaking hand through my hair before turning back to Luna’s room. Her portrait stares at me from the wall, her silver eyes boring holes into my soul as if to scold me for yelling at Ruby.

I walk toward the painting, taking care to step over the broken glass, and pick the sheet back up to cover the portrait again.

Just before I toss the sheet back over the portrait, I pause to look at her. She stares back, unblinking. I remember being so impressed by the artist’s attention to detail, commending him for making her look so lifelike, but now all I can do is curse him for his skills.

“Luna,” I whisper, sinking to my knees as I gaze up at her portrait. “I don’t know what to do.”

Try as I might to will her to respond, she simply continues to stare at me from her tufted chair.

A cold gust of wind blows in through the open window. With a sigh, I stand again and walk over to it, shutting it tightly, then pull the curtains shut once more.

I know that Luna wouldn’t have wanted this. I know that she would be cursing me right now for locking her away, for pretending that she never existed, for not being honest with Ruby. I know that she would have also smacked me upside the head for being so distant from Ruby, and she would tell me, in her sweet voice, “Don’t be an idiot, Atwood. You have such a talent for stupidity sometimes.”

Even now, as I imagine her voice, I can hear it in my mind as though she’s right here next to me. I wonder if there will come a time when I will forget its sound, the way that she spoke so softly you had to lean in to hear her, the way her laugh sounded, the way she rolled her R’s when she was drunk. I remember all of it.

I wish I could just forget it.

“Quit looking at me, Luna,” I whisper, then toss the sheet back over her.

I leave the glass on the floor, unable to bring myself to clean it up, and lock the door again.

When I reemerge into the main corridor, I flag down one of the guards on nightwatch.

“I want that door guarded from now on,” I say, angry with myself for not doing this sooner. “I don’t care how you do it, whether you set up a rotation or not, but I want that door guarded 24/7. No one gets in there, not even the Queen.”

“Yes, sir,” the guard says, taking up his new post at the door.

Now to find Ruby.

I gently knock on the bedroom door, and when I don’t hear a response, I poke my head in. The room is empty, so I make my way to Tamara’s room, taking care to open the door quietly so as not to wake her. Ruby isn’t in there, either.

Unless she’s run off again, which wouldn’t be particularly surprising given her record, there’s only one other place where I might find her: the library.

Surely enough, there is a faint flickering of candlelight coming from beneath the door. I try to quietly enter so as not to alert her, but I do unfortunately live in a castle, and these heavy old wooden doors are often prone to creaking, which is exactly what happens.

Ruby is seated on the ledge in the bay window with her knees pulled up to her chest and her head buried in them. She snaps her head up when I come in and jumps up, deftly running up the stairs to the balcony like a frightened cat.

“Ruby, I’m sorry I yelled at you,” I say, my voice echoing throughout the library. She stays away from the edge of the balcony so I can’t see her, but I know she’s listening. “I promise I’ll explain everything someday. Just… Not right now.”

She doesn’t answer, but I think I can hear a soft growl coming from the balcony.

Several moments pass, and she still doesn’t speak. Deciding to leave her be, I walk back to the door. Just before I leave, I feel the need to say one more thing.

“I promised when you came here that I would never hurt you… And I’ve broken that promise. I know that nothing I say will ever fix it, but I want to say that I’m sorry. I’m just sorry.”

With that, I leave the library and close the door behind me.

As I’m walking back to my study, I decide that I’d rather not be in the castle right now. I feel as though Luna’s unblinking eyes are still focused on me, judging me, watching my every move. The very corridors smell like her, and I want to get out. I descend the stairs to the main entryway, open the door leading to the outside, and make my way toward where the oak tree used to be.

I sit on the stump and gaze up at the stars for a long while. My wolf stirs inside of me; he’s always been happiest in the cold night air.

“Her wolf is emerging,” my wolf says suddenly, snapping me out of my trance. “I can smell it. It won’t be long before she shifts.”