Chapter 48

Atwood

Ruby is nowhere to be found. When I go to her room, the place where the bed used to be is replaced with a black hole leading to nowhere. The library is a black void as well, and when I step inside, I feel weightless.

All around me, claw-like hands reach out of the darkness. They grab my clothes, my limbs, my flesh, and pull me down, down, deep into the abyss. I’ve accepted it. No one is coming for me.

When I wake up on the morning of Kayne’s funeral, my back is once again coated with sweat from the nightmares.

It comes as a surprise to me that the day of Kayne’s funeral has arrived. It feels as though the night my beta was killed was an eternity ago, but it’s only been a week. Perhaps time has been moving in slow motion.

The nightmares have only been getting worse, and so has my condition. With each sleepless night, my mind becomes more and more foggy. Soon, I feel as though I won’t be able to do my work at all.

Ruby has to mark me soon. I know her wolf is beginning to emerge; I can feel it. But if she doesn’t mark me by her birthday, I’ll go insane.

I don’t want to turn into a Rogue.

Under normal circumstances, I might willingly accept my fate of becoming a Rogue. To be free of my duties and my responsibilities, to know only my wolf form. I could spend my days hunting, free.

If my kingdom wasn’t under a serious threat, I wouldn’t mind becoming feral.

As I climb out of bed and head for my private bathroom, my body aches from tossing and turning all night. I decide to run a bath, with the hopes that I can soak away all of the aches and pains and discomfort. Maybe I could even soak away the madness in my brain.

While the tub fills, I cross to the mirror and look at my reflection. I haven’t shaved in some time, and it shows, so I retrieve my razor and get to work.

By the time I’m finished, the tub has filled, so I peel off my sweat-soaked pajamas and climb into the bath. The water is too hot and burns my skin, but I sink down into it nonetheless, my mind so separated from the pain that I can barely feel it.

I sink down so that my chin dips below the water and close my eyes. The thought of just sinking all the way down and letting myself drown crosses my mind, but I quickly cast it away, choosing instead to think of something pleasant to ease myself.

The first thing that pops into my mind is Ruby; now that several days have passed, I admit I feel slightly less angry toward her, and am missing her company. Was I wrong for pulling her out of school without hearing her point of view? Truthfully, I only did it to save us both the headache. She wasn’t integrating well into the school, and we both knew it. Still, I suppose I could have talked to her about it first.

I plan to make it up to her on her birthday, however. I’ve arranged for a party that she’ll never forget, and am confident that the Bears will not be able to ruin it. I’ll do everything in my power to make sure that her nineteenth birthday is the best day of her life, because to me, seeing joy on her face means more than anything right now.

Admittedly, I’m also excited for what will happen after the party. She’ll mark me, no doubt, since Doctor Yang and I are both certain that her wolf will emerge on or before her birthday, and then… I’ll finally be able to make her mine.

The thought of finally getting to take Ruby to bed on the night of her birthday excites me so much that I get an erection. I can’t help myself but to relieve myself of it.

When I’m finished, I climb out of the bath and drain the tub, then dry myself and start to get ready for the funeral.

Within the hour, I’m dressed in my funeral suit and am waiting in the car. Ruby comes down a few minutes later, with Edith and my mother at her heels.

Ruby looks stunning in all black. She wears a long velvet dress, with a black peacoat over the top. She’s even wearing the necklace that I gave her before the night of her homecoming dance. All of the black makes her all-white hair even more striking. Her hair has grown considerably since the night of her escape, too. Lycan women have always had an affinity for growing long hair quickly -- even hybrids.

Ruby, Edith, and my mother all get into the back of the car with me and Noah begins to drive. Ruby sits next to me, looking glumly down at her lap. I try to put my arm around her, but she flinches so I pull away. When I meet my mother’s gaze, I can see a bit of mockery behind her eyes. Edith seems to be pushing her small breasts together from across me, as though I could ever find her attractive.

We arrive at the funeral. Just as I requested, my mother arranged for Kayne’s funeral pyre to be built from the wood of the giant oak behind the castle.

It’s a beautiful ceremony, and goes all too quickly and all too slowly at the same time. I feel as though I’m in a fog throughout the whole ceremony, and when the pyre starts to burn, I feel nothing.

As we leave, though, I feel something warm and soft slip around my hand. Ruby’s hand slips around mine and she squeezes ever so slightly, her red eyes briefly flickering up to me as we walk back to the car.

Whatever kindness she has toward me is brief, however, as she continues to be distant for the entire dinner after the funeral. She barely eats her food, which makes me wonder if she’s been eating much at all lately, since she looks dangerously thin. Has Alice been starving her again?

Ruby excuses herself from dinner early and returns to her room, claiming to feel ill. I follow her a few minutes later, and knock gently before letting myself in.

She’s sitting on the bed, facing away from the door and looking out the window. When I enter, she snaps her head around to look at me, then jumps up and backs away as I approach.

“You needn’t be afraid of me, Ruby,” I say, holding up my hands in a display of peace. It feels as though we’ve started over again and gone back to the night of her escape. I hate myself for letting it get like this.

“I’m not afraid,” Ruby says haughtily, tilting her chin up and glaring at me from down her nose. She folds her petite arms across her chest, which causes her breasts to push together. It makes me hard.

“Good,” I answer quietly, stopping a few feet away. Her scent is stronger now than it ever has been, indicating that her wolf is very close.

“Did you need something?” she asks quietly, looking down at her feet.

I don’t answer. Her scent is too strong, and I can’t control myself. I reach for her and pull her in roughly, pressing my lips against hers. Her breasts push against my abdomen, which only makes me more aroused.

She hesitates for a moment, then relaxes into me and grips my jacket with her hands, standing on her tiptoes to reach me better. My hand travels down her waist, toward her butt.

But then, she violently pushes me away. A soft growl escapes her lips and her eyes are almost glowing.

“Get away from me,” she snarls, balling her fists up at her sides. “I don’t want to kiss you.”

Her words sting like thorns. I know she’s just angry with everything that’s happened, but it still hurts. I’m mad at myself, too, for doing things that made her so angry with me.

“Alright,” I say quietly, “I’m sorry.” With that, I leave the room, closing the door behind me.

I sigh, leaning against the heavy wooden door in the dark hallway, and close my eyes.

All I can hope for is that Ruby will forgive me by her birthday and become my mate.