Chapter 131

Layla

A burning hole seared through my heart. I could feel it spreading throughout the rest of my chest, wanting to consume everything in its wake.

I hadn’t realized how far I was dangling off the edge of my stability until I’d actually spoken the words aloud.

‘...My medical license has been revoked until further notice...Going forward, I won’t be able to take on any more medical emergencies...Going forward...Forward...Forward...’

For a while, they were just words that kept bouncing around in my head. But having to actually say them aloud brought everything into a bolder, harsher perspective.

Before, it was nothing more than a thought. Now, it was real.

The words became distorted in my mind, causing the room around me to spin and grow blurry. How was I supposed to go forward? I had no direction—no foundation to even stand on.

And it was my own fault.

I’d decided on the idea of the free clinic to help people who weren’t in a position to receive regular care. Agent Carter made me feel as though I was nothing more than just another criminal as I sat in that damn chair across from him.

And, I suppose, in a way, I was.

I’d fired a loaded gun and taken grown men down by my own hands. I’ve killed people—people who would have gladly ended my life as well as the life of my child too. In order to exist in this world with Aldo, I had to make certain choices. I had to make sacrifices.

But to what end??

Just a few moments ago, I’d felt that same comforting, distorted veil of darkness cloud my mind. Seeing Ethan, brought me right back to that abandoned warehouse where he and Aldo had planned their own little scheme without my knowledge.

He’d notified the police. He allowed Agent Carter to get close enough to interrogate me and this was how things had played out.

Should I have been grateful that the bastard only had my medical license revoked and not sentenced me to prison?

I guess.

The loss of my license resulted in me gaining an influx of free time. Time that I was now able to give my family, mainly Eli. He’d wanted to do so many things before but, due to my work schedule, we would always have to postpone them.

It should have been a bright side to this tragic loss. But it wasn’t. My son could hardly look at me. He’d seen the monster I’d let control me. In those few seconds when I’d held the knife to Vanessa’s throat, he saw just how far I’d fallen into the clutches of the darkness.

Aldo looked shocked when he found out about my losing my license. Ethan, on the other hand, surprised me. He appeared as taken aback as Aldo, yet I’d figured he would have already known.

Apart from Agent Carter’s physical appearance, he reminded me a lot of Ethan. The two stood on the same moral and ethical high ground. They both possessed the same scolding look when demanding that I make the ‘right choice’.

I was tired of having to constantly make detrimental choices that would alter the rest of my life. I was sick of feeling as though each time I did make a decision, I’d ultimately chosen wrong.

It was suffocating. I felt trapped. The walls were closing in and there was no known escape for me.

The moment I made it back to my newly chosen room, I kicked off my shoes and headed straight for the bed. Getting in bed in the middle of the day when I wasn’t physically sick. Mentally, however, was a completely different situation.

Emotionally, I was a wreck. All I wanted to do was cry. I couldn’t stand the thought of holding back my tears anymore. So I did.

I slipped between the bed sheets and sank further into the mattress. Right as my head hit the pillow, the tears began to flow. They wouldn’t stop. It reached a point where my breathing became so uneven, that I struggled to breathe properly.

The pain in my chest grew to unimaginable depths, I was certain it was going to tear me in half. In the dark recesses of my mind, a hidden part of me wished that it would. I wasn’t happy with what my life had become.

The ongoing violence and threat of some kind of enemy. Minor families wanted to rise up, police officers demanded statements, and federal agents wanted to stick their noses where they didn’t belong. It was all just too much!

As of right now, my career was over, my own child was terrified of me, and I couldn’t stand the idea of even being around Aldo. He’d once been my comfort and reassurance that everything would work out. But it didn’t.

Our relationship was massively hindered by his need to be close to his brother, Ethan—Matteo.

It was just baiting its time to finally implode in my face.

Yes, I was heartbroken. It was a kind of pain that I hadn’t experienced in years. The loss of my parents. The day Aldo had walked out of my life all those years ago. Now this.

It was a state of mourning. A deep loss that I wasn’t entirely sure I would ever fully recover from.

Only this time, it was me I was mourning. The loss of the final chain that connected me to whom I once was. The very second Agent Carter revoked my medical license, the chain had snapped. Layla Bennett ceased to exist.

The version of myself that I built and crafted all on my own was gone and now I wasn’t sure who or what I was expected to be.

All I could do was fight the ongoing anger and sadness that plagued me. If I wasn’t on the brink of drowning from my own endless tears, then I was on the verge of losing myself to the toxic dark void.

What was worse, I wondered. Feeling everything all at once? Or feeling nothing at all?

Aldo

It was late when Ethan had left the house. He and I had demolished over half of the bourbon and collectively sulked over the newly discovered notion that she had been cut off from her own career.

I felt horrible.

As much as I wanted to speak with Layla, I knew that my presence would not have been welcomed. I couldn’t blame her.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

I lifted my head from my hands. “What is it?”

Carlo entered the room with his eyes cast downward. He and I were still somewhat on the outs since we tried to help Layla execute her plan.

“Word has been spreading like wildfire,” he started. “Is it true that Layla’s license has been revoked?”

I nodded my head. Carlo looked deflated as he leaned back against the door. He ran a hand roughly down his face.

“How?”

“Agent Carter,” I muttered. “After you left the warehouse to bring Eli back here, the police questioned Layla and Agent Carter ended up bringing her back to the station.”

“What sort of questions did he ask her about?”

“I don’t know,” I said, irritably. “She and I haven’t had a real conversation since then and it was only this afternoon when I found out that the asshole had somehow taken her medical license away.”

A beat of silence passed between us before Carlo gently cleared his throat. “Vas...You were right,” he said. “I should’ve stopped Layla from getting too carried away with the plan. For a brief moment, I had gotten a taste of how things used to be run around here—before you and Matteo. I’m sorry.”

“You’re not alone in your guilt, Carlo. Layla is crushed by everything that’s happened. I can only hope that it doesn’t go on to hurt her anything further.”