Chapter 104

Ardal

Panting, I come to a slow near the dry creek bed in the cypress grove a few blocks behind the house. I shift out of my wolf form and pause to kick a few dirt clods where the water should be.

Sunlight flickers through the emerald canopy of trees. A light breeze blows just enough to make the Texas September heat tolerable.

I run my finger over the mark inscribed on my hand. This and the one on my ankle are the visible reminders of my narrow escape a few months ago.

Oh, and the fang marks on my neck, too, of course.

I keep those covered with makeup. I made the mistake one day, of dashing into the grocery store for bread without bothering to conceal the scar - ran into one busybody werewolf, and now I'm the talk of the Were community.

There are invisible remnants, too.

A swell of cicadas sing me a song, an afternoon lullaby that does little to soothe my angsty soul. I've spent more time as a wolf this summer than I have in years, roaming and racing through pastures in an attempt to outpace the restless kind of blues dogging me.

Exhausted and discouraged, I make my way back home. As I draw near, I pick up a familiar scent, recognizing it quickly.

"Julia?"

She's in a mid-length skirt and blouse, with her hair cascading down in delicate waves. She's sitting on my porch and her face is alight with anger as soon as she lays eyes on me.

"Ardal, I was beginning to think you were dead," she says, immediately launching into a tirade. "I’ve been worried sick! How could you ignore my calls and texts all summer?"

Before I can answer, she throws her arms around me in a tight hug and I inhale the floral scent of her perfume. She releases her grip and steps away, studying me with disappointed eyes.

"You are the most stubborn person I've ever met," she says. "Was our argument really so big of a deal that you had to ghost me for months?"

I bite my lip and look down at the wood beams of the porch. The faded white paint is starting to peel. "I'm sorry," I say. "I've just had a lot going on. I've kind of isolated myself from everyone."

Julia crosses her arms. Her voice is thick with emotion. "Since when do I count as 'everyone?'"

I draw in a breath and tuck my hair behind my ear. "Do you want to come inside?"

Awkwardly silent, I fix Julia a glass of lemonade and try not to make eye contact. I feel her eyes boring into me while she waits for me at the kitchen table. I hand her the glass.

"What's wrong," she asks. Her eyebrows are raised.

"Nothing.” I sit down across from her and snatch up the salt shaker, busying myself with it as if it's a fascinating artifact. Then I realize the mark on my hand is visible and quickly put it down, stuffing my hands under the table.

Julia wrinkles her brow and sets her lemonade on the table, the ice clinking against the glass as she does. "Will you just spill it already?"

I shrug. "I mean... The trip didn't go well, as you probably have gathered, since I'm back home."

"How's Erbao, then," she asks. "And things with you and Jack?”

My heart does a funny little thing when I heard Jack's name aloud. I clear my throat. "Erbao's doing dialysis at home now. And I broke up with Jack. As far as I know he's still in Pack X."

Julia drums her pink fingernails against the edge of the table. "I'm sorry," she says.

I take a breath. "I guess I didn't want to admit to you that you were right. My plan was nothing short of a disaster."

She frowns. "I wouldn't have rubbed it in your face - not too much, anyway." She takes a sip of her lemonade. "Catch me up on everything else? How's work going?"

I purse my lips. "I haven't worked since May," I say, avoiding her eyes again. "I'm getting by with my savings."

I fidget with the worm seam of my t-shirt. Actually, it's mostly credit cards keeping me afloat.

Julia's mouth drops. "Really? Kadeem wouldn't rehire you when you got back? That asshole!"

I manage to meet her eyes. "No, it's not that,” I say. “I didn't even bother asking. I'm sure he would have."

My stomach churns at the lie because I suspect the opposite is true, although I didn't test it.

The air conditioner clicks on, bringing a stream of cool air from the overhead vent.

The memory of Kadeem’s standoffish goodbye resurfaces: A barely perceptible nod, cold eyes, and clenched jaw. Then, gone - leaving only icicles in his wake. I haven’t seen or heard a word from him since.

It’s a confusing rejection that left me reeling and ripped open the wounds from when he left me for Susan all those years ago. At least then, I knew why. Whatever happened between us in this latest chapter of Dump Ardal (Now, as Chelsea!), is beyond me. I don’t know what I did wrong.

"But I wasn't happy working with him,” I say. “At the end of the day, we're exes for a reason."

"Sure," Julia says, nodding sympathetically. "It was a lousy situation, you as his employee. But what will you do next?"

I sigh. "I honestly don't know."

This time, the answer is the truth. The idea of having to pretend everything is alright while leading clients through dull and meaningless exercises round and around? It makes me feel physically ill just thinking about it.

I settle deeper into my chair. “No matter what though, personal training is off the table. Consider me retired.”

An expression of disbelief crosses Julia’s features. “You put so much effort into recovering after your car accident and launching your career, Ardal,” Julia says. “Are you sure you want to give all that up?”

A spike of anger surges through me, but I clamp my jaw shut. Like any of that matters, anyway. A career trajectory? I have to put food on the table like anyone, but it’s not my religion.

I unclench my fingers from under the table. The sound of the neighbor’s lawn mower revs up outside. “It’s all so… unimportant,” I say.

Julia shakes her head incredulously, her eyes radiating worry as they take me in. “Maybe it’s good to reinvent ourselves every once in a while.” Her voice is like honey, but she hesitates, and all I see is a deep concern. “It’s just that you don’t quite seem yourself,“ she whispers.

I swallow hard to force a sob from escaping my lips and rake my fingers through my hair in frustration. “Yeah, well.”

Almost dying will do that.

The thought bubbles up inside of me, and I want to tell her what happened, but it scares me to say it out loud.

I force a smile on my face before glancing at my watch. “Hey, I’ve got to go get the kids,” I say. “One good thing about working less - they love that I’m here more and I’m able to pick them up from school.” That really has been a bright spot.

Julia flashes a quick smile in return, but it falters as she notices the scar on my neck.

Damn. My fingers travel instinctively to the back of my head, flipping my hair over the evidence.

“It’s nothing,” I say. I stand and grab my keys off the hook by the door, frantic to make an escape from my own house.

“Ardal!” Julia’s voice is mixed with outrage and confusion as I make a hasty beeline for the living room.

My chest is tight. ”I have to go,” I say. Desperate, I will her to understand with one final pleading look before I open the front door.

Stunned dumb for a second, she eventually shakes herself out of inaction. “Yeah, fine,” she stammers. She clenches her own car keys in her hand.

I follow her out, locking the front door while she stands on the porch.

“Hey,” she says, catching my hand, as I make an attempt to blow past her “Don’t think I won’t love you anyway.”

I pull my hand from her grasp and walk down the steps. “I’m not a vampire,” I say.

Julia begins to stammer out something, but I’ve already crossed from the shadows at the edge of the lawn and into the bright sun that’s glinting off the van. I climb inside, my heart pounding.

On the drive, my fingertip grazes the scar on my neck. It’s rough - I can feel the scar tissue there. It’s not pristine and dainty like in the movies. It’s a true bite. The feel of it sends butterflies dancing around my stomach. Something lingers inside of me and I can’t put a name to it - one of my many invisible remnants.