Chapter 47

Kadeem

Kadeem's fingers drummed on the worn wooden table, each tap echoing his wolf nature that seemed to pulse through his veins like a restless storm. As he and Mateo sat in "The Howling Moon" – a popular werewolf bar – the atmosphere buzzed with primal energy, making it difficult for Kadeem to focus on anything but the growing strength of his inner wolf.

Since his memories had flooded back a few days ago, he had also been experiencing a full resurgence of his wolf. Scents and sensations bombarded him, dragging him under a tide of recollection. Flashes of memory assaulted him. The combination of the two was akin to an emotional atomic bomb.

He’d been avoiding Ardal at the gym, shuffling off quickly after training appointments, and shutting himself in his office.

Mateo had been pleased when Kadeem told him about the recovered memories. The memories after his car accident still felt tangled. Mateo offered more hypnosis sessions, but Kadeem turned him down.

“I don’t want to inhabit it fully yet. What I do remember is… it’s not good.”

“Sure,” Mateo said, clapping his hand on his shoulder. “Whenever you’re ready.”

Friday night, Mateo suggested going out for a drink. Kadeem consented, hoping to get out of his own head for a little while.

The heavy bass of the werewolf bar thumped in Kadeem’s chest as he entered, assaulted by the mingled scents of sweat, lust, and liquor.

His wolf rumbled beneath his skin, stirred from its slumber—hungry, eager, primal. The dim light and writhing bodies on the dance floor awoke memories from long ago, flickers of passion and belonging.

He gripped the edge of the bar, knuckles whitening, struggling for control. Mateo slid onto the stool beside him, concern etching lines on his brow.

“You okay?”

Kadeem swallowed hard, willing his fangs to retract and his claws to sheathe.

"Man, it's been ages since we've been here!" Mateo exclaimed, his eyes darting around the dimly lit room as he took in the familiar sights and sounds. The air was thick with the scent of sweat and spilled ale, while the low growls and laughter of fellow werewolves filled the space.

"Tell me about it," Kadeem muttered, not sharing his friend's enthusiasm. His gaze wandered over the crowd, stopping at a group of women who were giggling and tossing flirtatious glances their way.

"Come on, Kadeem, don't let all those thoughts weigh you down. Try to relax," Mateo urged, his voice barely audible over the cacophony of the werewolf bar.

Kadeem glanced around, taking in the raucous atmosphere. The smells of sweat and alcohol hung heavily in the air, mingling with the enticing scents of raw meat being served fresh from the kitchen. The low hum of conversation was punctuated by throaty laughter and the occasional growl as minor disputes erupted among patrons. A live band played energetically in the corner, their feral melodies adding to the intoxicating ambiance.

"Relax?" Kadeem muttered under his breath, one eyebrow raised skeptically. "Easier said than done."

“Excuse me,” Mateo said, waving his hand to catch the bartender’s attention. “Can we both get two more?”

He tried to focus on the present moment, but his thoughts kept drifting back to Ardal. How could he reconcile his feelings for her when so much remained uncertain?

"Hey, Kadeem, watch this." Mateo flashed a devilish grin before sauntering over to the ladies with the confidence of a seasoned Casanova. Kadeem watched with mild amusement as his friend delivered a cheesy pickup line that somehow managed to have the women laughing even harder.

As Mateo basked in his temporary glory, Kadeem’s thoughts flew back to Ardal, flickering through his mind’s eye:

Twelve years-old, meeting her for the first time. He pictured her smile and the way it seemed to light up her face.

Eighteen years-old and in love. He remembered the way she would challenge him during sparring sessions, her determination unwavering even when he held her pinned to the ground.

Twenty-one, getting married.

Kadeem swallowed hard, the pain and regret flooding his body.

"Did you see that? They loved it!" Mateo boasted as he slid back into his seat, already scanning the room for his next flirting conquest. Kadeem forced a chuckle, but his thoughts were faraway.

He dragged in a sharp breath. “Maybe I was better off not knowing.”

His friend gripped his shoulder, grounding him. “You’re processing all of this again, and it’s hard now, but it’s going to be okay. You’re okay.”

But he wasn’t. Memories tore him open, ripping wounds that had only just begun to heal. The wolf howled, wild with grief and longing for its mate, and Kadeem howled with it.

“Did I tell you what a pathetic excuse for a husband I was to her?”

Mateo downed another shot of the amber liquid. “Don’t spiral into self-loathing, Kadeem. It’s unbecoming.”

“I took her for granted,” Kadeem said, ignoring him. He frowned as he swirled his drink, watching the ice cubes clink against the glass.

“You’re just a regular hedonist like all the rest of us lowly saps,” Mateo said. “Alpha or not, werewolf or not, it’s human - and nonhuman - nature. We only want what we can’t have. We don’t appreciate what we do have - until it’s gone.”

“Kadeem, where are you?”

Ardal’s voice piped in over his cell phone. He should have picked up on the panic in her tone, but he ignored it.

“Still at work,” Kadeem said, his vision doubling over the spreadsheet numbers. He put Ardal on speaker and sat the phone down, before closing his eyes to take a break from the glaring blue light of his computer screen.

“Why didn’t you answer your phone?”

“I’m trying to concentrate, Ardal,” he growled, opening his eyes, to begin clacking away angrily at the keyboard again.

“I was worried,” she said, her voice softer now. “We were supposed to go to the drive-in tonight, remember?”

“There’s no way, I’ll make it,” Kadeem said.

“We could still make the late one,” Ardal said.

“We’ll see,” Kadeem said, clicking off.

If it wasn’t all the work of starting his own business - his health club - it was the pack duties. These had grown more and more intense as he edged closer to his rise into the alpha role.

Ardal became not first, not second, but third in his life.

She might have been angry - and she should have been - but she never expressed it. Instead, what he saw was the disappointment and the hurt in her eyes when he tried to slip quietly into bed late at night, or stumbled home at dawn weary from a night with the pack.

Ardal withdrew. In reaction, he retreated further, until eventually, they were only ghosts.

In the vacuum, Susan entered.

“I don’t trust her!”

Ardal’s anger drew his surprise. Her cheeks were flushed with emotion.

“She’s a friend,” Kadeem said, sitting his coffee cup down on the counter. The first rays of light were streaming in through the kitchen window.

Ardal scoffed. “Please,” she said.

“If you’re suggesting anything’s happened between the two of us, you’re dead wrong,” he said, his voice low.

“That’s not what I’m saying.” Ardal leaned back against the counter. “But she’s… predatory, and manipulative. I don’t like how she acts around you, Kadeem. She clearly wants more than friendship.”

Kadeem shook his head and grabbed his car keys. “It’s not like that,” he said, turning to walk out the door. “You’re just jealous.”

A loud ‘thud,’ caused him to swivel back around. Ardal slammed her fist against the counter a second time.

“I am jealous! You spend so much time with her, but not with me!” Tears began to pour out of Ardal’s eyes. “I feel like we don’t even know each other anymore. I feel like you don’t love me anymore.”

“Don’t be an idiot,” Kadeem said in a low growl, before he stormed off.

Don’t be an idiot.

That’s what he’d said.

Sitting on the barstool now next to Mateo, Kadeem’s stomach churned.

He should have held her and wiped away her tears. He should have begged for her forgiveness. He should have tossed Susan out of his life and found a way to put Ardal back as an important focus in his life, and found ways to connect, even if his time was sparse.

"Hey, Kadeem? Earth to Kadeem." Mateo's voice broke through his reverie, and

Kadeem blinked, refocusing on his friend who wore a concerned expression.

"Sorry," he muttered, running a hand through his black hair. "I just... I don't know what to do, Mateo."

First things first, my friend," Mateo said, raising a finger with a sage-like air. "Stop brooding over the past and focus on the present. You've got your memories back, which means you can start making amends. If you truly care about her, don't let her slip away again."

"Easy for you to say.”

A woman in a sultry red dress sauntered past their table, her gaze fixed on Kadeem. Mateo whistled low, a mischievous grin spreading across his face as he nudged Kadeem's arm.

"Looks like you've got an admirer," he teased.

"Very funny, Mateo," Kadeem mumbled, already feeling sucked back into his thoughts.

"Hey, man, don't let the past eat you up," Mateo said, slapping his back and snapping Kadeem back into the present. "You'll never taste the sweetness of life if you keep chewing on bitter memories."

Mateo’s head turned as a curvy blonde sidled up to the counter. “Just seize on the present moment,” he said, facing Kadeem again and winking.

Mateo looked back at the woman. He flashed her his most charming grin. “Well hello there, beautiful. Can I buy you a drink?”

The woman sniffed, glancing over at him with unveiled disgust. “No thanks. I don’t drink with stray dogs.”

Mateo blinked, clearly taken aback, as Kadeem bit back a laugh. His friend shot him a wounded look. “Not a word.”

The clink of glasses drew Kadeem's attention to a nearby table where a group of werewolves were engaged in a spirited toast.

"Alright, enough wallowing," Mateo declared, clapping his hands together. "Let's make a pact: no more moping about lost loves tonight. We're here to have fun, remember?"

"Deal," Kadeem agreed, forcing a smile. Perhaps a little lighthearted distraction was just what he needed to quiet the storm within him – if only for a little while.