Chapter 65

Ardal

I can feel my heart pounding in my chest and I see Kadeem’s eyes flash with anger. He steps forward, looking Jack squarely in the eye.

“What if there was? What would it matter to you?” His words drip with contempt as he gazes at Jack, challenging him.

My mind reels at this sudden confrontation between them and I try desperately to think of something to say that will diffuse the situation before it gets out of hand, but before I have a chance, Jack speaks up, his face now bright red with indignation.

Jack swallows hard to compose himself, but his hands are trembling. “It’s clearly not just me who finds your attention unacceptable,” he spats out in an appalled tone.

In an instant, Jack has won me over. He’s sensitive to my writhing discomfort, and he’s not just trying to win a pissing match with Kadeem. Instead, he’s focused on a chivalrous defense to preserve my dignity.

“And it matters to me,” he says, “Because Chelsea is my girlfriend, and I don’t appreciate the way you’re looking at her, or making suggestive remarks.” He pauses for a moment, gathering his thoughts before continuing. “I think it’s time for you to leave.”

I’m filled with a strangled sort of merriment at Jack’s gallantry. Mixed with the heightened conflict and growing fear, is a joyous delight for another man to act as a loyal champion of me in Kadeem’s presence.

I brace myself for a ferocious roar of fury, but instead, Kadeem merely looks bored.

“I’ll go,” he says. “But let me make something clear - I have every right to show my admiration for her.” He glances at me with a soft smile. “I know she loves me too, no matter what you might think.”

My heart sinks and I feel an intense wave of guilt wash over me as his words settle in the air between us. Kadeem has just expressed his deepest feelings and in that moment I can see the hurt in his eyes, despite the smile still lingering on his lips.

Jack stands there, looking irate but silent - not daring to challenge Kadeem further.

Kadeem takes a step back and turns to leave, shooting one final look back at me before he disappears down the sidewalk.

The tension is palpable as Jack and I stand there in uncomfortable silence for what feels like an eternity before finally Jack breaks it by letting out a deep sigh.

“Chelsea,” he says as he looks me in the eye. “I know it’s not easy, but I need to know - do you have feelings for Kadeem?” There are beads of sweat near his temples from the stress of the tousle, and his forehead is creased in worried lines.

I look away, unable to bear his gaze, knowing I should answer his question truthfully.

But do I love Kadeem? I'm not really sure how to answer that. At moments, I know I do, but there are just as many moments when I’m eaten away by loathing for him.

Once upon a time, he almost obliterated me. Presently, he’s a thorny source of irritation and in the darkest seconds, indescribable pain.

He’s also so familiar to me, so entwined in the many chapters of my life, that I think it would be impossible not to love him. He was once my best friend, and I still miss what we had.

My stomach knots. “Yes,” I whisper. “Part of me loves him, but it’s very complicated.”

Jack is wearing a pained expression. “Complicated, how?”

I force out a cackle. “How long do you have?”

He doesn’t flinch from the gravity of the moment and speaks with compassion. “As long as you need,” he says, eyes begging for me to trust him.

My heart catches in my throat, moved by his kind understanding.

“You still down for our lunch date,” he asks. “We can talk more, too.”

I nod, relieved that he still wants to be around me in spite of the drama that just unfolded.

We walk to the car together and Jack starts the engine before we drive off towards the restaurant.

As we drive, I take a deep breath and begin to open up - my heart racing the entire time. I stumble around the twists and turns of my life and eventually spill it all - including my real name, the fact that Kadeem and I were married but divorced, and even confess the quintuplets are actually his children.

“But Kadeem doesn’t know that,” Jack asks, brow furrowed and fingers drumming the steering wheel, as we sit at a red light.

“No,” I whisper, ashamedly.

Mostly, Jack listens without interruption, occasionally nodding to show he understands.

The ride is tense, as if my confession has created a tangible wall between us. My hands are sweaty, and I feel almost naked.

I’ve finally ripped off the mask… and I’m not sure I should have.

I try to lighten the mood a little by making some jokes out of it all, being as self-deprecating as possible about my soapy life, but really, I just crawl underneath a rock and hide.

Finally, we pull up to the restaurant and Jack turns off the engine before he looks at me intently.

“Chelsea…or Ardal? I don’t know what you want me to call you now - but whatever it is, I just want you to know that I'm here for you no matter what." He reaches out and gives my hand a reassuring squeeze before releasing it again.

It takes me a few moments to find my voice again.

“Ardal is fine - “ My voice cracks.

Can it really be this easy? He accepts me for me? Even with all the intensely complicated circumstances that surround me and my life?

Why isn’t he running away? Every instinct should be telling him to.

But, instead, he’s smiling at me warmly. With his blond hair and blue eyes, and all his noble deeds of the day, I feel like I’m sitting in a car with a real-life Prince Charming, rescuing me from the despair of my current existence.

I look down at my lap “How are you so perfect?”

“Trust me, I’m not,” Jack says, with a sudden edge to his voice. I look up and see a darkness on his face. Then he smiles and it lifts like it was never there. “But I like you very much.”

After I put the quints to bed that night, I sink into the living room armchair with a bag of popcorn and a grapefruit seltzer, settling in for my guilty pleasure, “The Bachelorette,” but I can’t focus. Frankly, the escapist fantasy is feeling too close to real life now.

I furiously snap off the TV, disgusted and profoundly restless. I stare at the black screen in front of me.

Kadeem loves me… And I don’t know what to do with that.

Ignore it.

My inner voice is often a mischievous force, but she’s right. I’ll just stay on my path with Jack and not let Kadeem’s feelings deter me. Jack barely bat an eye at what I told him today, and he’s not running for the hills away from me. I’m not going to run away from him either.

Let Kadeem feel whatever he wants. It’s his problem.