Chapter 78

Kadeem

Kadeem and Mateo raced across the twisted terrain of the woods, lupine shapes just a blur in the shadows of the trees. Kadeem effortlessly veered left and right, weaving through foliage, dodging branches, and clearing fallen logs with ease as Mateo gasped behind him.

"Wait, wait…" he pleaded, his human voice echoing through the forest.

Kadeem spun around to see Mateo slumped against an old oak, breathless and exhausted from the chase. He shifted back into his human form, walking back towards his friend.

"You're out of shape, old man," he said with a tsk.

"Please, I'm a young stallion," Mateo panted.

Kadeem raised an eyebrow and pointed at the crown of Mateo's head. "I dunno," he said in a singsong jibe. "I noticed a couple grays."

Mateo rolled his eyes and ran a hand through his hair flirtatiously. "We call that 'glitter.'"

Kadeem laughed and plopped down onto a nearby stump, relishing the warm sunlight that dappled through the trees. His sharp eyes noticed a small twinkling in the distance.

Sprites.

Mateo, still struggling to catch his breath, slid down against the rough trunk of the oak, collapsing beneath it onto the forest floor. "You seem like you're feeling better," Mateo wheezed.

"It's hard to feel bad about much of anything out here," Kadeem said. "You know how it is. The wolf mind is..."

"More grounded," Mateo supplied, wiping the sweat from his brow.

"Yeah, I guess," Kadeem nodded, but somehow as he said it, the human worries began to re-clutter his brain. He leaned down towards a cluster of oyster mushrooms nearby, inhaling their earthy, slightly sweet aroma. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure," Mateo said, stretching out his legs. With a huff, he reclined back and closed his eyes lazily like he was sunbathing on the beach.

"Do you think I'm selfish?"

Mateo paused and opened one eye. "Where's this coming from?"

"That fight with Rayburn."

"Oh yeah, that was dumb," Mateo said flatly, returning both eyes to the closed position.

"Yeah," Kadeem said. He reached over for a nearby stick and flung through the air, sending it deep into the woods until it landed with a satisfying 'whack' against a distant tree.

"You have your moments," Mateo said finally. He sighed and sat up. "But overall, I'd say you're one of the least selfish people I know, actually."

Kadeem locked eyes with him, surprised by the response.

Mateo winked. "That's why you're Alpha, Kadeem."

Kadeem managed a bittersweet laugh. "No, this is why I'm Alpha," he said, flexing and pointing to his muscular arms. "That, and a little of this." He pointed to his head. "Just a little, though," he smiled.

"No," Mateo said slowly, finding Kadeem's eyes. "It's your heart."

Kadeem swallowed. He didn't know what to say in return. He watched as a squirrel scurried up a tree nearby.

"You think about what's best for the pack," Mateo said. "What's best for others. Often, at the exclusion of yourself. I think it's actually what prompted that fight with Rayburn."

Kadeem stared silently at his hands. He took a breath. "The truth is, I know it was fueled by my jealousy."

Mateo stood and dusted himself off. "You acted against your own self-interest. If you didn't feel such a strong need to look out for Ardal, you would have handled that situation differently - a way that didn't sacrifice or mangle your chances with her."

"Maybe," Kadeem said. Guilt and regret sat heavy on his chest, weighing on him like a ton of bricks.

"But you've learned a painful lesson," Mateo said. "Sometimes, you can't be the hero, riding in to save the day. You're not the hero if she doesn't want you to be."

"No, I'm the ogre of the story," Kadeem said, kicking a pile of twigs and brush.

"She has to make her own choices - to what end, it doesn't matter. If Ardal is dating Satan himself, just stay out of it!"

Kadeem sighed and looked up into the canopy of green, sunlight sparkling through. "Even if he was going to hurt her?"

"But you don’t know that."

Kadeem tensed instantly. "I've told you, Mateo," he snapped, "I have ample reason to consider Rayburn dangerous. I told you already - he's working with my uncle and I saw him in the forest -"

"Saw a 'figure' in the forest," Mateo reminded him.

Kadeem rolled his eyes. "Yes, 'a figure,' but I caught his scent, too." Kadeem rose to his feet, feeling a jolt of anger. "Why do I feel like I'm speaking in Greek today?"

Mateo threw his hands up in a position of surrender. "Alright," he said. "I believe you. Do you want to hear what I have to say, though?"

"No," Kadeem growled. "Rayburn is dangerous. He's out casting spells and God knows what else!" He clenched his fists. "He was involved in two vampire attacks - one that led to the slaying of my gamma!"

Mateo averted his gaze. His mouth formed a tight line.

Kadeem felt the anger die back a little. "What?"

Mateo met his gaze evenly. "But that's all circumstantial evidence. I've given you my opinion on this before. Your 'gut instinct,' Kadeem, is probably born from the fear of losing Ardal, rather than tangible proof."

"His scent is proof enough."

Mateo shrugged his shoulders. "Maybe. If it was his scent. Or if he wasn't, just, out in the woods, like you and me -"

"That would be quite a coincidence," Kadeem snarled.

"Okay," Mateo said. "Get some hard proof and then do your job as Alpha - not the ex-lover. Forget Ardal's tangled up in this..." He gave Kadeem a small smile of understanding. "As hard as it may be."

Kadeem narrowed his eyes and shook his head. "Do you even hear yourself sometimes? Put yourself in my shoes for a second. The fact that he's dating Ardal compounds the situation a thousand-fold. I'd like to, but there's no disentangling it!" His stomach churned with fear as he mentally replayed their exchange this morning. "And now she's gallivanting off with him!"

Mateo nodded compassionately. "I'm sorry."

Kadeem seethed as he inhaled a deep, ragged breath. "I should have throttled Rayburn yesterday. And you know what? I didn’t stop out of any moral scruples. It would have been righteous. It would have been imparting justice - after what he did to Theo and the innocent people who were killed in the first attack!"

Mateo looked on silently. Kadeem exhaled slowly, trying to steady his racing heart.

"But I stopped because of Ardal," he said, quietly. The inner sense of shame welled up, coloring his cheeks. "I heard the pain in her voice, and in that moment, I realized I wasn't any better than Rayburn. I was just another monster hurting her - and I’ve already hurt her, Mateo. I’ve already been that monster."

He balled up his fists. "And there I was, doing it again, and I hate myself for it. She’s the thing I want to take care of most in this world!"

Frustration continued to boil over from within him. "I can lead a whole pack. I can run a business. Why can’t I get this right with her? Why can’t I just take care of her the way I want to? The way she needs?"

Kadeem felt as if he could scream. He lunged towards a twisted, menacing branch lying at his feet. With reckless abandon, he heaved it violently into the distance, shattering its skeletal limbs against the gnarled bark of a tree. The ear-splitting crack echoed through the woods, sending a flock of birds scattering through the sky.

"Well," Mateo chuckled softly. "You answered your initial question, didn't you?"

Kadeem turned to Mateo with a murderous rage.

Nonplussed, Mateo walked over and put a hand on his shoulder. "Putting Ardal's feelings above your own and sitting with the consequences of it...? Hmm," he said, tapping his chin with his finger, a crooked smile forming on his face. "That hardly sounds selfish to me."

The anger left Kadeem, but sadness replaced it. He deflated like an old tire. "But she hates me, and everything I say and do, just seems to amplify it. And I don't have anyone to blame, but myself."

Mateo sighed, and clapped him on the back. "Quit beating yourself up for the past, my friend. Life, so I'm told, isn't fair." He turned and stood still for a moment. "You can do everything right, and still find yourself stuck in a love, unrequited."

He began walking back down their path through the forest, small twigs and dead leaves crunching beneath his feet.

Kadeem followed him. "Sounds like you've sung that tune before."

Mateo side-eyed him. "Allow me to give you a lyrical analysis, break down the chord progressions, and then yeah, I'll sing you the blues."

"Surely, you don't mean Riley," Kadeem winked.

Mateo broke into a strangled sort of laugh. "No," he said in a low voice. "Let's just finish our walk."

"What do I do about Ardal," Kadeem asked.

Mateo sighed heavily. "You let her go."

"Like she asked me."

"Yup."

The sound of the cicadas continued to grow louder as they stepped deeper into the woods.

As the shadows began to stretch, Mateo spun around to face him, irritation written all over his face. "I almost hear your wheels spinning," he said.

"Mmmm." Kadeem avoided his gaze, ducking underneath a large, glistening spider web hanging from a branch overhead.

"You're going to hatch out some idiotic plan to stop him, or keep her here, aren't you?"

A smug grin creeped up Kadeem's face. "Yup."

Mateo glanced up to the heavens and shook his head in furious disbelief. "Lord, what fools these mortals be."

"Come on, Puck," Kadeem said. He shapeshifted into his wolf visage, white fur rippling, and shot off. Turning just once, he couldn't help but chuckle to himself at the sight of poor Mateo scrambling to keep pace behind him.