Alpha's White Lie

*Dear Diary,

What started like a surprisingly good day turned into a nightmare without the warning of a change. As I sit under the floorboards once again, waiting for the nightmare to end, I think about all the times I had to spend in this little room. The junkie who occupied the apartment before us had made the room to hide his drug stash. Sometimes I can still smell the scent of chemicals that I assume were used to make his drugs. However, now, I have started to find serenity in this little room. I have made efforts to make it more comfortable for my little stays here.

On top of me, I can hear the voices of the men that have come to visit my mum. These men visit a lot. When they visit, I can hear my Mumma’s muffled screaming and moaning followed by shouting and arguments about payments.

Sometimes Mumma even has bruises and marks on her body. I don’t understand why Mumma never tells me about why these men visit. She tells me to hide in this little room until she calls out our safe word. It’s like hide and seek, but instead of me counting to 10 and finding her, I have to wait to hear “Choo choo” before I can go out and find her. Recently these men have been visiting a lot. She said because she’s been having more clients from work and business was booming, she had managed to save enough money for me to go to a boarding school in Mariners Bay. I knew she was lying because I had seen her take a bag full of cash from a guy in the car park outside our apartment. I don’t understand why she was lying to me or why she wanted me to leave, but she said I would be safe at boarding school and no one would be able to touch me there. She said she didn’t want me to have the same life as her.

I have never really known what kind of work Mumma does. She never leaves the house to go somewhere to work like the other parents at school. They all tease me about my Mumma’s job. The boys say my Mumma’s a whore, but when I asked Mumma what that meant, she said it means she’s a good person. I don’t want to believe her because, deep down, I know she isn’t a good person. I know she was trying to keep me away from that Sumo man that comes every Friday to do his collections. Mumma said he was her boss, and some nights he was the one that gave Mumma the bruisings on her body. Mumma had given me strict instructions to stay away from him. He was looking at me funny when Mumma told him I was going to be 13 this Friday. She wanted a free day to celebrate with me, but he said no. That’s why today, on my birthday, I’m hiding in this room while Mumma has her men visitors over.

I didn’t even get a chance to meet Brownie today. He must be waiting at the edge of the woods as he does every day. He is the only friend I have. I know I talk a lot about him in my diary, but he is just so amazing. His chocolate brown fur is the reason I’ve given him that name. It is so soft and fluffy. I can spend hours just running my hands through it. Mumma doesn’t know about Brownie, but maybe it was time I told her about him, so they could keep each other company while I was gone. Perhaps Brownie could protect Mumma from that Sumo man just like he had protected me from those drunk men that first day I met him. I wonder if I will get to see him once Mumma sends me to boarding school.

I don’t want to go. I don’t want to stay away from Mumma and Brownie. Mumma said it was more important for me to leave now than it ever was. She has been very worried about me. She says that one day I will understand why it is so important that I go away.

I think it's the following Monday that I go away. Mumma has said she would visit me whenever she can. Hopefully, she can come and stay in Mariners Bay with me someday. I wonder if I can convince her to let me take Brownie with me. Would the boarding school allow me to have a huge pet wolf in my room? Even though he is big and scary, he is very friendly. Maybe after I tell Mumma about him, she can bring him to visit me too.

I will miss him the most...*