Her Unexpected Bodyguards

Julie almost died.

At least three times.

She saw her life flash before her eyes and knew this was how she met her Maker, whoever that was.

Dodging between excessively fluffy, drooling, yipping, and/or squirming dogs, Julie tried as hard as she could to reach her phone before the caller hung up.

She failed.

Instead of getting to her phone, she found herself tangled in a multitude of colorful leashes that were desperately trying to control the dogs that she had been caring for as they bounced and yapped at her. Julie's sudden movements and anxiety about answering the damn phone had gotten the dogs excited, and now they would not calm down.

"Shit!" Julie spat out as she grabbed her kitchen counter to prevent a header into the refrigerator.

Out of sheer survival instinct, Julie let go of the leashes and let the dog sprint away. The furry traitors didn't need any more of an invitation than that as they tore into the living room and terrorized the carpet and furniture. Who needed security deposits anyway? Julie thought with a wince as she heard something shatter.

Normally, the rule was that she didn't bring the dogs inside. But today, it was so cold outside that she'd brought them in to warm up a moment before returning them home.

With a loud crash, Julie knew another lamp had hit the ground. The high-pitched shatter caused one of the smaller dogs to let out a screech.

"Come on, guys! We talked about this!" Julie yelled.

She grabbed her phone off the counter and hurried into the living room to try and contain the hoard of animals before they completely destroyed the place.

"Hey!" she shouted to get their attention.

The largest dog, Duke, stopped so suddenly that he slid across the floor and slammed into the couch. He knocked the two dachshunds aside and caused them to yelp and try to nip at him. Duke, the gentle giant of a mutt, could barely even feel their teeth through his furry coat. He just sat down, panting excitedly, and stared up at Julie with adoring eyes.

The only other rascals in the room were Trixie and Hunter, two black labs who were best friends and conspirators. Julie just knew they were always planning trouble. With two quick snaps of her fingers, she managed to bring the dachshund under control and looked up at her. Trixie and Hunter still jetted around the room, sniffing and bumping into every little thing they could. Julie swore they hit every table and wall to see if they could make something fall to the floor.

"Knock it off, you little turd blossoms!" Julie snapped, then whistled two little notes that finally got their attention.

Trixie and Hunter fell in next to their pals. They promptly sat properly and wagged their tails as if they had done absolutely nothing wrong.

"You all are in a huge pile of shit," she firmly warned them.

Duke and the dachshunds (Roxette and Spunkster) all looked properly upset. But Trixie and Hunter didn't seem to understand that they had done anything wrong, all the while continuing to look at Julie like she was the most awesome person in the world.

Julie was about to let them have a piece of her mind when her phone rang again. This time, she groaned when she recognized the customized ringtone. The name on the screen was the very last person she wanted to talk to this morning.

Her mother was calling.

Julie knew she could let it go to voicemail and pretend she was too busy. But, after already missing one of her mother's calls, she knew she would only make matters worse for herself. But, God, she was really, really tempted.

"This is not over," she told her canine wards right before she answered. "Hi, Mom. What's up?"

"Why didn't you answer my call earlier?" Her mother replied without hesitation.

"Mom, I was busy working," Julie explained, rolling her eyes.

"Babysitting animals is not working, Julie. When will you stop playing around and get a real job?" Her mother started once again.

Brenda Harrison couldn't understand how her daughter, A.K.A Julie Harrison, could be content without a fancy career to boast about. Brenda, herself, was a respiratory therapist in a big fancy hospital in the city. While poor, lonely Julie was nothing more than a dog walker who lived in a rather funky, sometimes dangerous, part of the same city. Even worse, she had no aspirations to change that. Brenda was happy to see her daughter had given up her job as a carnival ride operator, which had afforded Julie the ability to travel across the country at least once. Oh! Or the year she had spent being a ticket taker at a boxing circuit. Or the six months she had been a make-up artist at a local beauty pageant for Drag Queens.

That memory always made her smile. She'd had so much fun with those wonderful, accepting people and loved every minute! She had been sad when they'd moved the pageant to another town.

"Mom, if you called to lecture me once more about my life choices, can you do it another day? I'm swamped," Julie quipped back.

Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Trixie poking at Hunter with her nose. So, she WAS the instigator of all the mischief. Julie thought, then made a mental note to let their owners know who exactly the leader of the Lab Circus was.

"Julie, did you hear me?" Brenda demanded.

Julie rolled her eyes so loudly that she was sure her mom could hear it through the phone.

"Not if you're continuing with your ramblings, Mom," Julie retorted.

Her mother sighed heavily but finally dropped the subject. "The real reason I called was to see if you were coming home for Christmas."

Oh hell, Julie groaned internally. She had utterly spaced her mother's annual CHRISTMAS-GOT-DRUNK-AND-THROWN-UP-ON-EVERYTHING-JAMBOREE.

"Mom, I live across town, not across the country. It is unnecessary for me to 'come home' for Christmas," Julie reminded her as she pinched the bridge of her nose in irritation.

Her mother was so overly dramatic that it hurt sometimes.

"I know! But, dear, it would be much easier if you just came and stayed with us," Brenda insisted.

"I don't think I can make it this year. I have to work."

Julie hoped she had kept the joy out of her voice. The last thing she wanted was for her mom to suspect that Julie didn't want to be there. That would be a can of worms that Julie couldn't open in the headspace.

Duke's owner had to go out of town over the holidays and had asked Julie to come to take care of him. Or, at least, that's what Julie would tell her mom. Telling a little white lie to get out of Christmas-Hell-At-The-Harrisons was worth the guilt.

"Julie, those people can care for their own animals. You are needed at home for Christmas. All the cousins will be here."

All two of them, Julie clarified in her head.

"And your Aunt Clara has been asking about you."

Ahhh, the goddess herself has been asking, Julie snarked in her mind.

"Also, she's bringing her new boyfriend home to meet the family."

Wait, what was that? Julie thought as she finally gave her mom her full attention. Clara had a new boyfriend that she hadn't told anyone about? That didn't sound like Clara. She never missed an opportunity to brag about something in her life just to make her feel superior to the family. As if her job, wealth, and general attitude weren't enough.

"Clara has a new boyfriend?" Julie asked in shock.

"Yes, AUNT Clara has a new boyfriend, and she is excited to bring him home to meet everyone. So, I expect you to be there," Brenda stated.

Julie was tempted to push back until she got her way, just to remind her mother she wasn't a child anymore. However, the idea of meeting this mysterious man that her aunt was bringing home to lord over the family was much too tempting to deny herself.

This man had to be an old, broken down tycoon with a ton of money that would die soon so Clara would inherit his millions. The image of perfectly prim, proper, high, and mighty Clara shmoozing a wrinkly old man made Julie smile viciously.

"Fine, Mom. I'll be there Christmas Eve," Julie agreed.

"Actually, if you could be here a few days before, that would be lovely! I'm gonna need some help setting up, and you know your father is helpless when it comes to decorating," Brenda replied.

The only reason her father was 'helpless' was that Brenda was a decorating dictator. Julie and her father had come up with a variety of names for her mother due to her antics over the many years that they had been forced to help Brenda decorate. Her Majesty of the Tannenbaum…. The Royal Pain in the Ass-orted Ornaments. Tree Bulb Goddess of Hell was about the best they had ever dubbed her.

Julie smiled as she thought of all the names they would come up with this year, all the while half listening as her mom joyfully babbled on about the decorations and the food. It was evident that Brenda was living high off her victory of getting Julie to the house for Christmas.

As if sensing her desire to get off the phone or just becoming restless because they were dogs, Duke flopped down on the ground with a huge sigh, startling Roxette, who blamed her fright on Trixie... who in turn took it out on Hunter.

And the chaos was on once more.

"No! No! Trixie! Hunter! Knock it off! Stop! No! Oh, hell, not my new cushions! Mom, I gotta go!" Julie shouted as she hung up the phone on her mother's sputtering and rambling.

It took her a solid fifteen minutes to get the dogs back under control and out the door so she could finally get them home. During the whole walk, Julie continued to lecture them about proper dog behavior while she was on the phone.

However, as soon as she got them to their homes, Julie's words went in one ear and out the other.