Chapter 113

The last thing I remembered was Neil’s voice, low and soothing, telling me to breathe. That it was okay. That he had me.

And then the pain.

Not just pain. It was agony, ripping through me like wildfire under my skin. My bones felt like they were shattering, my skin tightening and crawling all at once, as if trying to tear free from me. My body didn’t know what shape it wanted to be in. Everything pulsed and throbbed, twitching between wolf and human. I could feel my spine stretching, my ribs reordering. It was like I was being born and dying all at once.

I screamed until my voice vanished, until all I could do was whimper and curl into myself, wishing it would stop, willing myself to fade out into nothing.

And then I did.

When I woke, I was small.

Too small.

The ground beneath me was soft. Warmth seeped in from one side. It was Neil. I could feel his heartbeat. I was curled against him, shivering, whimpering softly in my sleep without realizing it.

The cold hadn’t gone away. It was in my bones. I whimpered drawing closer.

"She's so small…" Neil's voice was hard and soft with sadness. "Mom… do we have any…"

His voice drifted in and out. I felt him scooping me up, pulling me close. I wish I could see.

What were they saying? I don't know. It was terrifying to know that I didn't know what they were saying. I couldn't make it out through the haze.

My limbs trembled as I tried to move. I could hear murmuring, worried voices, but everything sounded muffled through my ringing ears.

"You'll have to do it, dear. Well, I don't have any of that, and I have the ingredients to make it but it will take at least an hour."

"… hurt her?"

"… it, dear."

And there was a soft warmth enveloping me.

“She’s barely clinging to this form,” Neil said, his voice tight and fraying at the edges.

“She needs to shift back,” Arielle replied, her tone sharp with fury and frustration.

When had Arielle gotten here?

“I’ve brought what I could from the vault. Do what you can. Look at her.”

I tried to open my eyes, but everything was blurry. I could feel Neil’s hand brushing my fur. Gently. Carefully. As if I would break.

Maybe I would.

“I’m going to kill Philip,” Arielle said, the words hollow and full of venom.

“Leave something of him for me,” Neil snarled.

Then another hand pressed something glass to my mouth. A warm, metallic liquid poured in, bitter and heavy. I whined, trying to pull away, but someone—Arielle, I think—held me gently but firmly.

“Swallow,” she said. “Just a little more. It will help, okay?”

I choked it down. And immediately, heat exploded in my veins. It was almost as bad as the pain from shifting, but in a different way. I twisted against Neil’s chest, clawing weakly as my body began to pulse and change again.

My skin burned.

Then I was screaming again, but I could hear my voice. I shifted back into my human form. Naked. Shaking. Curled up in Neil’s lap.

His arms caught me, pulled me close, wrapping a blanket around me.

“Renee,” he murmured, brushing my damp hair back from my face. “Breathe. Just keep breathing."

“I c-can’t—” I couldn’t finish the sentence. Everything still hurt. My body was heavy. My limbs ached like I’d been hit by a truck. And I was so cold.

“I know,” he whispered. “I’ve got you. You’re safe.”

“For fuck's sake, Neil, she'll be fine. Do it.”

"She's not a battery,” Neil hissed. "And I--"

" You think I would tell you to do it if I didn't trust that you wouldn't hurt her? Who the fuck do you take me for?"

That seemed to have gotten through to him or changed his mind about something. He settled me against his chest, bare skin to bare skin. My face heated as he tucked me close.

“I’m going to give you some of my magic,” he whispered into my hair. “It’s going to feel… intense. But it’ll help, I promise.”

I nodded, barely, and pressed my face into his shoulder.

The moment his magic touched mine, I gasped.

It wasn’t like the magic in the purification spell. It was like light, like velvet heat blooming inside me. His energy wrapped around my own, filling the emptiness and setting gentle warmth beneath my skin to chase away the cold, coaxing the pain to ease, soothing the pain in my joints and the raw tear of my muscles. My body arched slightly, every nerve singing.

I let out a choked sob, and Neil held me tighter.

“You’re okay. You’re okay,” he said again and again. “It’s me. Just me.”

“D-Don’t stop,” I breathed, overwhelmed but desperate for the warmth.

“I won’t. I’m right here.”

I didn’t know how long we stayed like that, me clinging to him, my body soaking up every thread of magic like a sponge. I knew he was holding back. That he could have poured more into me, given me more strength, more warmth, but he was being careful.

Gentle.

My whole body throbbed with gratitude.

“I didn’t know it would hurt that much,” I finally said, my voice a whisper.

“I know,” Neil murmured. “ It's not supposed to hurt at all. And one day it won't. For now, we're going to keep you from shifting until we're starting that you can handle it."

"You should’ve been more than prepared. You were supposed to shift years ago, but Philip—” Arielle stopped herself, breathing heavily. " Don't worry, I'll deal with him."

“I feel… different,” I admitted. “Like I’m not all the way myself, but I’m more than I was.”

“You are,” Arielle said, crouching beside us, draping a blanket over me. I opened my eyes, just a little. The light was stabbing into my eyes, but I wanted to see her. “ I shut, princess. You don't need any more sensory stimulation than you already got, trust me. Your magic's coming online. Your wolf. It’ll take time to settle, but she’s finally awake.”

“You said I was small…. Am I supposed to be?” I asked, curling up tighter.

“No,” Arielle said flatly. “She’s small because you’ve been starved. Your wolf’s physical form reflects your true health. With nourishment, you’ll grow stronger. Bigger. Healthier. I’m already putting together a schedule for you. I'll get the Madame to sign off on it and drag a healer to Brightclaw if I have to.” She chuckled a little, her voice watery. "Be prepared to be eating a lot of meat."

Neil’s arms wrapped tighter around me.

“I’ll help,” he said. “Whatever she needs.”

“Right now what you can do is keep her warm and keep pouring into her."

"She'll have as much as she needs."

Neil

"I'm sure I can trust you with that."

I glowered at Ariel. There was a bit of mirth in our eyes. Mostly. She was still angry. And I couldn't blame her. I was furious. There was no reason for Renee to be in so much pain on her first shift. Maybe a little discomfort from all the stress lately, eating through whatever magical reserve she had, but that agony was something else.

Mom said that there were several things that she'd broken through during the ritual. And she would be investigating all of them.

"Did you call Dominic?"

Then the doorbell rang.

I scoffed and looked at Mom as she passed.

"You called him?"

"Of course."

I felt the shift in the air before I heard his voice.

“Where is she?”

Renee's breath hitched and pushed weakly off of my chest, but I kept her pinned.

"Don't even think about it. You'll just hurt yourself."

“…I want to see him," she said softly, desperately.

I wouldn't pretend that the pain of jealousy didn't come. But to push it aside, I had to. Whatever would give her some comfort? While she was in so much pain was something I had to be supportive of.

A setup getting her into a sitting position but keeping her close to me. I tucked the blanket closer around us. Dominic stepped into the room, his eyes scanning her from head to toe.

His face went pale. His jaw clenched.

“Renee…” His voice cracked.

Arielle crossed her arms.

“She shifted. Philip’s neglect has left her wolf stunted and severely underfed. She went into shock. Neil and I stabilized her.”

Dominic didn’t speak for a long moment.

He looked like he’d been punched in the chest. His hands twitch at his side.

"What does she need?"

“A lot of magic. So unless you know how to channel, she's not moving from where she is."

He hesitated, but nodded, shrugged off his jacket and approached, draping it over her. Renee shuddered and seemed to relax a little more. But Dominic flushed, looking shocked. And then I realized likely what had happened was that my magic had surged out to him. His face turned bright red.

Interesting.