Chapter 121

Neil

I closed my eyes, pushing away the memories. The fear and the doubts. The running and hiding. Even at my worst, even when the coven thought it best to just bind me completely, that I'd never learn to control it, to hone it, she had never flinched from me, never looked at me as anything less than her son.

Even when I…

"I almost---"

"You have never," she cut in. "Thus, I know you will not hurt her. You won't hurt either of them, no matter how you fear that, it will not come to pass. You've never hurt any of your lovers."

My lips twitched. "I… I took potions."

"You think the potion would stop you?"

I looked at her. "Isn't that what it's meant to do?"

She chuckled. "Perhaps for a time, but you and I both know that you didn't take a potion everytime. Before every date? Ever night cap?"

I took a breath. "I… see your point, but how can you be so sure?"

"Because… you are my son, not my father's."

My eyes burned and I looked at her. She pat my cheek, her eyes glowing that same reptilian red that mine did. Then, the red light faded, and she stood and kissed my forehead.

“You’ve been a radiating storm of magic for three days, Neil,” she said gently. "Promise me you'll get some sleep. Promise me you'll only take it only if you feel like you’re going to lose yourself.”

"They left?"

"For breakfast. I was brewing. They'll be back."

I nodded.

I didn’t want to admit I already missed her.

I stared at the vial again.

The gold was starting to change, letting me know that it was at it is most potent. It was small. Silvery-blue. Swirling with power and promise. I couldn’t stop staring at it.

She came back with a platter of food for us to share. I looked at her, then the potion again.

“What if I can’t? What if the worst part of me sees her as a threat? What if I lose it, right there in front of her? Or worse—on her?”

She folded her hands. “And what if you don’t?”

I took a breath. "I'm still not sure that… I can take that risk. I don't think I want to."

I grabbed a small plate and shoveled food onto it then into my mouth, not caring what it was as my stomach started to growl.

Mom waited, letting the silence stretch before speaking again.

“Arielle overpowered you,” she corrected gently. “And you didn’t shift. You didn’t lose control.”

"She incapacitated me."

"Maybe." I glanced at her. "But short of all-out magical combat, you'll never know if you can break her hold… The important thing is that you didn't want to."

I kept eating. "Renee saw. You know that she's… Frostborne isn't the most devout or aware, and even if it were, you know how it's seen, even among werewolves."

My stomach was already tying itself into a knot, thinking of Renee's face filled with real fear, scorn, hatred, disgust like so many others had been. I had always known the day would come, I just thought I'd be more ready for it.

I thought I'd have more time.

Mom hummed. “And?”

I couldn't say it, but I knew I didn't have to.

“She isn’t afraid of you,” she said firmly. “You’re afraid of you. That’s not the same thing.”

I huffed, leaning back in the chair. My chest still felt tight, but if Mom and Arielle agreed on that, it was… ridiculous to think that there wasn’t a chance.

Even if it was just a small one.

“I’ll talk to her,” I said eventually.

“After you rest,” she corrected. “And don’t touch that potion unless you’re damn sure you’re making the right call. Once it’s in your system, there’s no going back. It’ll suppress you for weeks.”

I nodded, though my eyes strayed to the vial again.

Renee

I got to work the next day feeling better, considering how much pain I'd been in before. My body still ached faintly, some phantom echo of the shift that had wrung me inside out. But my head was clear, and my reflexes sharper than ever. Numbers danced off charts and spreadsheets like they were alive, and the patterns I used to struggle to see just... appeared.

But Neil wasn’t here.

He’d called out sick, and everyone eyed me suspiciously.

"He never calls out sick… I didn’t think he could get sick."

"Me either…" I pulled out my phone, feeling them watching.

I texted him once.

Just checking on you, hope you’re alright. No response.

Something was wrong. I could feel it. That mark on his back haunted me. Glowing a deep bloody red. The power radiating off him had been staggering. Unnatural. And terrifying.

But I knew that mark well enough, maybe not all of the lore behind it, but I knew it. Everyone did. I couldn’t stop thinking about it.

Eventually, I found myself texting Dominic.

I need advice about what to do about Neil.

I regretted sending it almost instantly. But before I could spiral too far, his response came quickly.

Where are you?

Work.

A moment later, he called. I stepped out to take my break in the break room. No one was around, and all I could do was pase.

“Renee,” he said in that low, grounding voice of his. “What do you mean by do about him."

"Y-You didn't see it?"

"What do ---"

"The cursed mark."

"… Whare are you talking about, Renee?"

"Everyone knows that it's a curse, only…"

Only terrible people get marked like that. My ees burned at the though. Evil, vicious people capable of destroying whole cities.

" I always thought he was such a nice person. But I guess I should have known not to trust my own judgment, considering how everything is turned out."

"Renee, I need you to sit down and listen to me." His voice softened. And I came to a stop. "You haven’t misjudged Neil.”

I exhaled shakily. “But--"”

“That mark is not a curse." He scoffed. "To be marked by the Goddess, no matter what that mark may be, is never a curse."

"But all the stories---"

" I don't know what stories you're talking about, but they're wrong. Or incomplete. Why don't we step away from the mark for a second and tell me what you're really concerned about?"

I sniffled. "I can't go through it again…"

I couldn't take the thought that one day I'd look up and find that Neil was no different than Tyler, no different than my father. If Neil betrayed me ---and how could he not having been marked like that--- I don't know what I do. Sure, I'd have Dominic still, but something would be fundamentally broken in me again. I wasn't even sure that it was starting to heal yet.

I sniffled and wiped my face. "How can I help him? Maybe I could —”

"Renee, you know Neil. If you'd never seen that mark, would you be having these thoughts?"

"No, but that's kind of the point, isn't it? I---"

"It's not a cursed mark," he said. " And it's not a portent of betrayal, either. Listen… I have a mark on my back as well. Do you think I'm certainly cursed?"

My stomach plummeted.

"It isn't the same mark, but it's related. Every bright claw has been marked."

"But the goddess only marks those who are destined to do wrong…." My jaw trembled. "On their backs so all would see…"

He hissed. "When I get a chance, remind me to punch Philip." He sighed. "Philip took you to the New Belief meetings?"

I blinked. "Yes?"

"Renee…" He sighed again. "Forget everything they've ever taught you because they're wrong. A bunch of zealots who are more upset with the Goddess for not thinking them worthy of much of anything. They and their teachings are not good sources to answer the questions you now have. They have no connection to the temple whatsoever? They're not authorities on the goddess's will. They're not even real believers in Her will."

I swallowed. I felt a little bit better hearing that from him, but I still wasn't convinced. I didn't really believe in their teachings either, though I went to several of their meetings out of habit because of Phillip. But it was a hard thing to swallow, the thing that he was just going to tell me that they were wrong about everything, especially given all the history that I did know.

Still, I wanted them to be wrong about Neil. I wanted them to be wrong about at least that.

"First off, the marks are marks of fate. If a goddess takes the time to market means that she has chosen you to do something. That is according to her will. There are several kinds of marks, but the most important, at least for this discussion are the marks of her Sovereignty."