Chapter 139

“I’m afraid of hurting you.”

"You've said that already… don't try to bullshit me."

His lips twitched. "I'm not. I'm afraid of what my magic might do. Of what I might do if I lose control. Her wrath can be vicious, and I am already heir to so much darkness.”

I reached for his hand. “What if it means she trusts you to carry that power responsibly? What if it’s a gift, not a burden?... Or she trusts the other parts of the triad, the other people marked to keep you in check?”

He looked away. "I can't really allow myself to think that way."

"Why not?"

“Because you may want me, but he doesn't, and I don't need to play with fire."

I blinked. "What?"

He smirked. "Not sure that we've ever had this conversation before. But call me non-discriminating, if it wasn't clear enough. Dominic is at minimum certain of his straightness, and though he could use a heaping dose of magic, I can't give it to him recklessly." His nose twitched. "And I can smell him on you still. I can tell how much you liked being in his arms… How gentle he was with you…I'm not that kind of lover.”

My face heated. He cocked an eyebrow at me.

"Says you don't mind that idea too much."

I scowled. "That aside.. what does that have to do with anything?"

"Can you imagine what would happen to him if I decided to pour my magic into him? Knowing what my magic feels like to you?"

My eyes widened and I thought back to that moment in the office. I knew that it was probably not the best example, but it was close enough for me to understand what he meant. I had melted, yes, but beneath that had been desire. And I wanted him. I liked Neil.

"He'd… feel really good?"

"That was adorable. But sure. And he'd hate me soon after that, probably already does since my presence is definitely rubbing him wrong."

"How can you tell?"

He smirked. "I can feel it." He lifted his hand and wiggled it. " That mark on his hand is mine. Whether he likes it or not, we're stuck together. But that doesn't mean it has to be the way I prefer it to be."

"So you want to sleep with Dominic?"

"Renee, there's a lot of things I'd like to do to and with both of you… We can run down the list if you'd like."

I shook my head. "I'm pretty sure I'm not ready for that list."

"I didn't think so."

“You think I won't ever be ready?"

He gave a short laugh. “I think you’d be ready when you're ready for whatever you want, but you'd be better off with someone who doesn’t have a monster clawing around in his chest.”

“Well,” I said softly, brushing my thumb across his knuckles, “you've marked me… So… you’re my monster. And I trust you. So got to stress you with me, so deal with it. You're gonna have to get on the trust wagon.”

He looked back at me, something shifting in his gaze. He leaned forward slowly, brushing a strand of hair behind my ear.

“You don't know what you're saying," he whispered.

"Don't tell me what I know."

"I'm trying to be a gentleman."

"You just said you were a monster."

"I am. That doesn't mean I want to be."

"A relationship doesn't work if you're trying to control yourself all the time… I don't think you'll ever hurt me, Neil. I don't think you'd let yourself hurt me. I don't think you'd let that monster you feel you are. Even bare its fangs at me."

He sucked his lower lip between his teeth. "I really… want my turn now."

"Then… take it."

And he did.

His mouth was warm, searching. Full of heat and hunger and reverence. I melted into him, the magic between us sparking like a live wire. He pulled me closer, practically on top of him, groaning into my mouth. He's right. His touch, his kiss was nothing like Dominic 's. There was a rougher, Wilder quality to it, no less experienced, sure, but there was definitely something else there.

I felt the connection between us hum and burn in a sweetly painful way. He pulled me into his lap, guiding my hips against his, grinding down against him.

I felt the connection between us hum and burn in a sweetly painful way. He pulled me into his lap, guiding my hips against his, grinding down against him. A gasp escaped me as my body responded instantly. My breath hitched, my hands tangled in his hair, pulling his mouth more fiercely against mine. His magic was pouring into me, a torrent of raw, untamed power that bypassed my defenses and went straight for the core of me. It was like I was a vessel for a storm, and I was about to break apart under the pressure, but I wanted it. Every single part of me was screaming for more, for the release that felt just a breath away. I could feel myself on the precipice of something new, something overwhelming.

And then, he pulled away sharply.

The magic snapped back, the heat receding, and I felt the sudden, chilling loss of it. I was gasping, disoriented, my body still humming with the aftershocks, panting, clawing at him to come back.

He was breathing heavily, his eyes, dark and intense, fixed on a point beyond me as he held me back, hushing me, tasting my lips slowly, easing me dow.

"Someone's coming," he whispered, his voice low and strained. "We need to get you decent."

"N-Neil…"

"Some day you won't care about an audience, but you care right now."

He set me back down on the blanket, his hands shaking slightly. My mind, still swimming in the magical haze, struggled to catch up.

"We'll have to pick this up later," he said, his lips twitching into a wry smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "Without an audience. I'm sure you're not ready to let Dominic watch us together."

I didn't have time to process his blunt statement. A rustling in the bushes grew closer, followed by a series of grunts and a frustrated curse. Dominic trudged up the path, his impeccable work clothes soaked through and clinging to his powerful frame. Water dripped from his dark hair, and he was covered in what looked like a fine layer of shimmering, ritual-blessed mud.

"I took a wrong turn," he grumbled, his irritation clear in his voice. "And then I walked right through the middle of some kind of a magical sprinkler system. I'm pretty sure I've been doused in ritual water."

Neil burst into laughter, a loud, booming sound that was a stark contrast to his earlier quiet. "No judgment if you want to eat half-naked. That water takes a while to dry."

Dominic's jaw tightened, and he shot a glare at Neil, but there was a flicker of something else there, too—a mixture of annoyance and… something else. He didn't acknowledge our messy state, but I could feel his gaze on me as he joined us, the tension in the air thick with unspoken words. We sat in a strained silence, watching the renewal ritual.

I felt a strange sense of familiarity with the ritual, as if I had been to one before, but I couldn't place where or when. I tried to calm the frantic beating of my heart, the lingering thrum of Neil's magic, and the memory of his lips. He was so different from Dominic. Dominic's love was a steady, grounding force. Neil's was a consuming fire, and while it was exciting, I was a little on edge about it.

I could see why he was so hesitant with me, with us, if that's what it was life. I was still burning up. I still felt his body, his magic, his mouth on mine. I glanced at Dominic and found him looking at me. My gut flipped and I dragged my gaze away, feeling a little guilty.

Damn it, I really needed to get myself together.

The next day, I was at work, but my mind was a million miles away, daydreaming about the renewal date. It had been nice, even with the palpable tension between Dominic and Neil. We had shared food, laughed about Neil's motorcycle, and talked about the future of the Brightclaw pack and skated around talking about our future at all.

Probably for the best since I had barely been able to sit still and ignore the way my panties were soaked. I knew they could both tell, but they were gamely not saying anything either out of frustration or respect.

It was probably frustration.

Dominic had driven me home, though I was certain Neil was the one who had carried me to the car after I had fallen asleep. I was troubled, though, by the way they had seemed so standoffish with each other. It was a silent competition. I could see it turning into a constant subtle one-upmanship that made me feel more like a prize than a partner.

And it would just… prove Neil's fears right, wouldn't it?