Chapter 66

Renee

"Because you're taking yourself too seriously."

I winced. That was probably true. I mean… Dominic had a whole world of women clamoring for his attention, and Neil was clearly just being a good friend.

"You're right… I am… getting--"

Another bounced off my forehead, and I pouted. "I already said that you were right."

She nodded. "You did, but you don’t seem to know what I'm right about. Are you going to stop spiraling into unnecessary shame and self-deprecation? They're not the good ones, so I don't mind flicking a few more."

I frowned down at my mug. "What's wrong with them? They look fine."

She waved her hand. "You've never had a fresh marshmallow. Put it on the list of all the things I need to expose you to."

I grimaced. My mind darted to Neil and being exposed to a karaoke bar and mocktails.

"What's that face for?"

"Neil invited me to dinner with his mom… something about tears on handkerchiefs?"

She closed her eyes, murmured something about killing someone, and opened her eyes again.

"Go. Immediately. She might be as bubbly as soda, but she's a powerful witch, and she can handle what needs to be done… She'll have everything necessary."

"You make it sound… serious?"

"It is. Now, back to your two beaus."

"I'm really not trying to ---" I shut my mouth as her hand was posed to flick another marshmallow.

"She can be taught," Arielle said lightly. "Drink your hot chocolate. You’re gonna need it. And listen.”

I took a long sip of the hot chocolate, hoping the warmth would calm the nerves still jittering in my chest. Arielle was watching me, hand still posed to flick.

“So,” she said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “Why do you have to pick one?”

I sputtered, choking on my hot chocolate. I beat at my chest and wheezed. Arielle shook her head.

"Excuse you?"

I blinked. “What?”

“I mean it.” She shrugged, like she wasn’t just casually tossing a social grenade into my lap. “You wouldn’t be the first Mountainhowl woman to have a husband and a lover. Happens all the time in some families. It's encouraged more often than not.”

I sputtered and stammered. "Y-You can't be serious!"

She laughed, unbothered. “I am very serious, no matter what Phillip may have told you, likely because he was a limp dick loser, is his problem, not yours." She shrugged. "I'm not telling you that you have to. I'm just telling you your options because I’m a good cousin."

"I… You're… what's the point of mating? Marriage? I'm a respectable---"

I broke off. My stomach plummeting as I really heard what I was saying. I didn't sound like myself. I sounded like Philip. I shuddered. Eyes burning as I looked down at my cup of hot chocolate.

"Nothing not respectable about loving who you love," she said, unfazed by what I almost said. "Something insane about letting yourself get worked up about something that might not even be an issue."

"But… they're… both… alphas?"

"And?"

My stomach churned. "Neither of them are gay."

"Could be bi."

I wrinkled my nose. "Neither of them are bi."

"Because you don't have a category for that or because they actually aren't?"

"Alphas are--- they're supposed to…" I grimaced, struggling with the words. "They're supposed to have children."

"No one's supposed to have children. You choose to have children." She scoffed. "I swear you give me more reasons to kill Phillip every time we talk. It's a bit late to give you a full lecture on sexuality, commitment, relationships, traditional bullshit and the current era, but Dominic and Neil are are two very different but very attractive men. You don't know anything until you ask, and there's no sense in working yourself up about it on your own."

I looked up at her. She didn't seem to be about to say anything more, but I swallowed. My face on fire.

“That’s not… I can’t… I’m not having this conversation.”

“Why not?” she teased. “You’re grown. You’re allowed to be complicated.”

“I’m allowed to make good decisions too,” I said, standing up and taking my mug to the sink mostly to avoid her gaze. “Which includes not talking about this any further tonight.”

"If you pour my hot chocolate down the drain, I'm going to put you in a headlock."

I stopped myself and she walked around me.

"Night."

I scowled after her as she left. I was almost tempted to pour it out, but that would have been childish and wasteful and ridiculous because Arielle' hot chocolate was the best.

Instead, I turned heading to my room. I finished the cup and tried not to let her words haunt me the rest of the night, yet I couldn't stop thinking about it. I didn't know what to say or how to feel about the idea. I didn't even know if she was just kidding with me or if… having them both was something that was possible.

All my life I'd been told to be respectable. A woman was her husband's. A luna obeyed her alpha. That fidelity and monogamy went hand in hand. That sex before marriage would ruin me. That being in an abusive pack was better than not having a pack at all. I shut the door behind me and leaned against it, heart oddly calm, mind racing, Arielle’s words echoing in my head.

I groaned and dropped onto the edge of the bed. I was definitely not ready for any of these thoughts, and I was to tired to think much more on it.

I don’t remember falling asleep. One minute I was staring at the ceiling, swearing I wasn’t going to think about Neil or Dominic, and the next I was dreaming.

It started soft, like most dreams do. A warm evening breeze, the sound of music somewhere in the background. I was sitting, caged in on both sides. Neil on one side, his fingers laced with mine, Dominic on the other, his arm draped behind me on the bench like he wasn’t touching me but also absolutely was. We were laughing at something I’d said. Or maybe at each other. There was wine. And firelight. And the feeling of being at peace. Wanted.

Then it shifted.

I was in a different dress. Thinner. Their eyes lingered. Dominic’s gaze was slow and deliberate, like he was taking his time memorizing every inch of me. Neil leaned in close, brushed a kiss along my shoulder and whispered something in my ear that made me blush even in the dream, but I couldn’t make out the words. I laughed but it turned into a gasp as hands, large and warm, moved across my hips. I couldn’t tell whose they were at first.

Then I didn’t care.

The room darkened around us. A bed materialized beneath us. Heat coiled low in my belly as one of them pressed his mouth to the side of my neck while the other's lips found mine. Fingers tangled in my hair. My dress slipped lower. I arched against the hand slipping down my body, setting all my nerves on fire. My gut clenched. Anticipation made me dizzy and my whole body was arching, pleading for more. One of them chuckled.

Easy, Renee, we have plenty of time…

Then, I woke up. I sat up in bed, heart pounding, skin flushed, lips parted. My sheets were a mess. I was a mess. The cup I had been holding the night before had fallen on the floor, and I swore every drop of blood in me had been heated and electrified.

Desire.

Plain and simply I was horny and embarrassed. I had never had a wet dream before. Not even in my past life.

Though… I suppose that should have clued me in earlier about my relationship with Tyler. I had never had much desire for him. He always initiated, but we didn't have sex often. I thought it was normal. I had no reason to think otherwise.

“Great,” I muttered, dragging a hand through my hair. “That’s just great.”

I flung the covers back and padded into the kitchen, needing cold water and distance. The hallway was quiet, but the kitchen lights were on. Arielle sat at the counter, typing something on her laptop with another cup of hot chocolate beside her. She looked up as I entered, eyebrows rising.

“Couldn’t sleep?”

I grabbed a glass from the cabinet. “Something like that.”

She watched me, her gaze far too knowing. “Dreams?”

I froze with my hand in the fridge. “Don’t.”

Arielle smirked.

I washed my mug and poured a glass of water and tried not to make eye contact. But after a long beat, I couldn’t help it.

“You said earlier…” I hesitated. “When you made that joke about not choosing…you weren’t just teasing me, were you?”

She set the tablet down, suddenly serious. “Of course not.”

“Who were you talking about?”

Arielle studied me, then sighed. “Your mother.”