Chapter 69

Renee

That got me. My hands froze on the keyboard, and for a moment I just stared at the screen without seeing it. I could lie. I could deflect. I could say it was just work, just pressure, just life.

But I didn’t want to lie to him. My eyes burned. I looked at him. His eyes were so full of compassion.

"Something happened…" He stood. "Come with me."

"Neil---"

"Come on," he said gently, lifting me from my seat and guiding me out of the room, down the hallway and to the empty breakroom.

"I--"

He drew me into his arms. "I'm sorry I pushed. You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, just breathe for now, okay?"

“I… I just…" I sniffled, clenching my fists in his shirt. "I don’t know how to make sense of anything right now,” I said, the words tasting like ash. “I think it's all just… hitting me-- everything that's happened…”

Everything that hadn't quite resolved. His grip tightened around. He placed a hand on the back of my head. His heart thrumming strong and steady beneath my head.

“Do you want to talk about it? To anyone?”

I sniffled. "I don't know."

“I’m sorry,” he said, quietly. “Everything's that's been going on… it's all unbelievably heavy, I'm sure. We could--”

I shook my head and pushed back to meet his eyes then, and for a second, everything cracked. Not enough to spill. But enough to let him see the hurt behind the armor. He broke off, cupping my face, wiping a tear away.

"I think… you should go home."

I shook my head. "I can't."

He hesitated, but nodded. "Okay… But you should have chocolate."

I laughed, my voice sounded wrecked. "What?"

"And pasta, and perhaps… if you'd like, to not be alone with this." He tilted his head. "I could rally the team for an afterwork get together if you're up to it… George's yodeling is enough to distract from anything."

I laughed at that, bobbing my head. "M-Maybe not tonight, but soon."

"Okay."

"Why don't you get cleaned up, I'll run down to the café and pick up stuff. Hm? Pretty sure Alpha Brightclaw's fancy intern budget can handle a few muffins and pastries?"

I nodded again. "Thank you, Neil. I…"

"And when you're ready to talk about it," he said, meeting my gaze. "If you're ever ready, I'll still want to listen."

I nodded. He walked me to the nearest bathroom and went jogging off down the stairs to the café. I splashed water on my face and tried to pull myself together.

By the time I got back to the office, Neil was coming back with a box of pastries and half the coffee orders. He sat beside me, offering more than just chocolate, but poppy seed muffins, too. Cinnamon rolls and nearly every type of pastry I had ever liked. It wasn't a cure, a fix, or a reparation, but it was nice.

Working with Neil was both a relief and a quiet kind of torture. His easygoing nature, the way he filled silences with gentle humor and small observations, his ability to make even small annoyances funny offered a strange kind of lightness I hadn’t realized I missed. Needed.

"Between the printer trying to devour my career and all the office pen thieves over there--"

"Hey!" Someone lobbed a paper ball at him. "Don't call me a thief."

"Misappropriator, then."

I laughed, shaking my head. "Is it always like this on your team?"

He nodded. "We get along mostly… Anya has been out for a little while, so you haven't met her, but it's a good team."

I nodded. "Would have been nice to be over here."

"Your team sucks?" He asked.

I shrugged. "It's very keep to yourself over there."

"We'll have to add you to our team chat. There's nothing but office shenanigans happening."

I chuckled at that and kept working. He was so careful with me. Watching me when he thought I didn't notice. Making sure I had snacks, water, breaks. Letting me work but not feel isolated.

He kept an oddly appropriate amount of closeness and distance to let me distract myself with work without actually losing myself.

Over the next few days, it kept up, and maybe I saw Vivian lurking in the hallway every once in a while, but she was the least of my problems. Today we were building out a shared deck for the presentation.

"How are you today?" Neil asked.

I gave him a thin smile without looking up. “Just tired.”

“I still say some intentional rest would do you better than being here."

"I'm fine. I promise," I looked down.

"… you don't even know what intentional rest would even look like, do you?"

"Not a clue."

"That's why you're so tired."

I shrugged, keeping my eyes on the spreadsheet.

He leaned back in his chair. I could feel the weight of his gaze. “Am I burdening you more with my care?"

I looked over at him. "What?"

He tilted his head. "You don’t have to tell me anything you don't want. I do, however, want to be there for you. You know that, right? If it's too much, tell me.” His lips twitched. "I'm doing my best not to bundle your cute self up and remand you into the care of your luna."

I laughed. "Remand? What am I, a criminal?"

"Criminal self-negligence."

My throat grew tight. I felt the words pressing at my teeth even as they felt like glass lodged in my throat.

He changed tack. “My mom’s been asking about you, by the way.” He smiled a little, tentative. “We’re having a family dinner this weekend. Me and her, rather. You could come. Just hang out. No pressure.”

I flinched before I could stop myself.

“I…” I started, trying to summon something softer than what I was really feeling. “That’s really kind, Neil. But I don’t think I can. Not right now.”

“Are you sure?”

I nodded. “It’s not her. It’s not you. I just…”

The thought of going into someone else’s warm, loving home, pretending to be someone light and whole, made my chest feel like it was caving in.

“Maybe some other time,” I said.

Neil looked at me for a long moment before nodding. “Okay. Some other time. I'll bring you leftovers.”

"That's very kind of you."

And it was. Terrible, awfully kind, because I could barely make myself eat it. I wasn’t eating much, honestly. My appetite was shot. I had no energy because I hadn't eaten. It was a vicious cycle, I know, but I couldn't help it. It wasn't long before Neil noticed. Of course it wasn't. Every time we worked together, he’d slide something across the table toward me: half a sandwich, fruit, a protein bar, even a small container of what smelled like lasagna. He never said much, just nudged it closer in invitation. I thanked him, nibbled on whatever he gave me, but it didn’t change much.

When Arielle was too busy and I could get away with avoiding my usual area for my lunch hour, I didn't eat at all. Midway through our shift, he stood by my desk with a look that made me feel like a stubborn kid and said, “You’re going to eat today.”

“I’m fine,” I told him, not meeting his eyes.

He crossed his arms. “That wasn't a request or a question.”

“I am eating."

"Oh?" Neil tilted his head. "What did you eat for lunch?"

"Something."

"Coffee isn't food." He placed a bag on the table beside me, it was from the café downstairs.

“I’m leaving early. Pack business, and I won’t be around for a few days. A week, probably.”

I blinked. “Oh.” I didn’t like the hollow that opened up at that.

“I’ll text you. Check in. Make sure you’re not just running on fumes and caffeine.”

I tried to smile. “I’ll survive.”

He gave me a look, like he didn’t trust that. “Please don’t just survive, Renee.” He pointed at the bag. "I've put George on Renee-watch tonight. Eat, okay?"

I nodded, feeling like I'd been scolded. And then he was gone.

I meant to dive straight back into work, but I needed air. I wandered downstairs, not expecting to run into Dominic.

He looked sharp as always. His eyes landed on me as I tried to pass, and something about his expression shifted.

“You look…” He paused. “Overclocked."

I tried to laugh it off. “Just busy. It’s nothing.”

Dominic tilted his head. “You're terrible at lying."

I folded my arms, defensive. “Is this really your business?”

“Your well-being? Yes,” he said plainly.

"Guardian… right." I sighed. "Look I… I'm going to go back in there, eat a bit and finish out my shift."

He hummed. "Yes. On time."

"What?"

"You're finishing-- no, everyone in that office is finishing in…" He checked his watched. "An hour."

I blinked at him. “What are you saying?”

“I'm closing the building for the weekend." He met my gaze. "And I’m taking you out tonight.”