Chapter 81

"If it is psychosomatic, perhaps," he paused. "May I suggest a trip, perhaps? A change of scenery often helps one get a different perspective on matters. It would help to clear your head before the hearing. If you don’t take care of yourself, you won’t be able to take care of anything else.”

“A vacation? Now?"

"You haven't taken one since Ms. Hazel died."

"I--" I drew up short and looked up at him.

Had he always called Hazel Ms. Rather than Luna? Not even Mrs.?

"I… I'm going to ask this question."

He gave me an amused smile, his eyes gentle but understanding.

"May I suggest you ask when you are in a better state?"

I closed my eyes. That was almost confirmation enough, but I nodded. Renee’s face flashed behind my lids. The guilt twisted tighter in my ribs.

I felt his get closer, rounding the desk. He nudged my sliding chair aside and shifted my keyboard to a better position for himself.

"I told your father this," he said, tapping away. "Sometimes, to be an alpha, a good one, you must walk away from your burdens, rest your mind, and trust that the people you have in place will do as necessary."

"That's my problem now."

"No, Alpha," he said lightly. "And to take on the burden of others' greed and lack of integrity is unproductive."

The screen flashed, logged out, and then locked entirely. A moment later, my phone buzzed with an alert. I pulled it out to check, he’d sent an update to the Panel, informing them of my temporary leave for health reasons. I blinked at him, my mouth hanging open.

"You---"

“You’re going,” he said firmly. “You’ve let this run you into the ground. You’re no good to anyone like this, and I won’t sit here and watch you work yourself into an early grave. I fully intend to retire knowing you are more than well taken care of.”

I scoffed, looking at the message and back at him. “I can’t just leave.”

“Yes, you can,” he said, already gathering my things. “The Panel’s been informed. The legal team is briefed. Lady Mountainhowl's filings are being processed. And Brightclaw will still be standing when you get back. There is nothing more you can do… let alone drunk.”

I chuckled. "Give me half an hour."

He turned, fixing me with that rare sharp look he only used when I was being especially stubborn. “You’ve carried this pack through worse storms than this, sir. You’ve earned a few days. You're going.”

I rubbed my face, the tightness in my chest refusing to ease. “I’m not fond of the idea of being hustled out like an invalid.”

“Good,” he replied with a dry smile. “Then you’ll be back sooner to prove me wrong.” He looked down pulling out his phone and typing away some more.

"Now what are you doing?"

"Setting up a healing appointment for you in Mountainhowl."

I thought of Renee and shook my head. Arielle had been clear that Renee was going to be gone for a while, and I could feel the distance like an ache. That being true, I didn't need to go there of all places. It would look like I was chasing her, and she didn't need that while she was trying to recover.

"Somewhere else."

"Do tell me where there's a comparable healer available? That you'd trust?"

I grimaced. "I could stay here."

“I was born near evening, not last evening, Alpha. You don't need to be here. It's too much temptation. You're going to Mountainhowl."

"Arielle---"

"Needs you at your best for court. She would never deny anyone the chance to be healthy. Mountainhowl has the best healers, and you know it. Whatever this is—whether it's the stress, or something else—you need to get it looked at before you collapse like Renee did.”

The mention of her name made my jaw tighten. My mind flashed to that hospital room, to the exhaustion in her face, to the way I had failed to protect her. Part of me wondered if this pain was directly related to her. The creeping feeling that my life was more entwined with Renee's than I ever thought possible was going stronger.

After all, the pain had started about the time that Renee had apparently collapsed.

I let out a long breath and straightened my jacket. “Fine.”

He gave a single approving nod, as if he’d already known I would agree. He handed me my travel pack before I could change my mind.

I blinked at it. "How long have you had this packed?"

"Since you showed up naked on the border of the Estate looking like you'd half drowned."

I grimaced and took the bag, feeling half shamed. I pushed to my feet, feeling oddly steady. I supposed it was wearing off a lot faster than I first thought.

Just before I reached the door, I paused. “One more thing.”

“Yes?”

“Take a look at the next group of interns,” I said, my voice low. “See if any of them catch your eye. We’ll need someone to groom for your eventual replacement.”

He raised his brows. “You’re finally thinking ahead.”

I gave him a faint smile. “Just... be discreet.”

“I always am.” He gave a small shooing gesture. “Now go before the rest of that alcohol hits you. I have carried enough Brightclaw men to cars in my lifetime."

I laughed. "I definitely want that story."

As I stepped out, a car pulled to the front of the building. The driver stepped out and opened the back door. I chuckled, recognizing him.

"Your father rope you into this?"

He smiled, his eyes twinkling. "Always happy to be of service, Alpha."

I shook my head and climbed into the car, shutting the door behind me with a heavy thud. I set the bag beside me and tried to relax. The driver climbed in and pulled away from the curb.

I watched my capital city fly by in complete silence. A sense of unease growing at the back of my mind even as the pain in my chest seemed to be improving.

"I suppose you know more about this impromptu vacation than I do."

"I would hope so, sir," he chuckled. "Dad has a way of making sure only the people who need to know have even the faintest clue."

I sighed. "How long is it to Mountainhowl?"

"A few hours, sir. We’ll be there before nightfall. You should get some rest.”

Rest.

As if that were so simple. I grimaced at the thought. My mind was too chaotic to even really think about rest, but he was right. I hadn't slept much since after I found out about Vivian. I leaned my head back against the seat, but my mind wouldn’t still. Vivian's face flashed through my mind.

Renee's voice drifted through my mind, her laughter twisting something in me.

How had all these years been just a slow brewing storm? How had I never even considered it. The paternity test, the timelines, and the files I had reviewed earlier still played behind my closed eyelids like a film I couldn’t shut off. Everything I had willfully ignored or excused about Vivian’s behavior now glared at me under a merciless spotlight.

Just like my relationship with Hazel. Hazel and her secrets. Hazel and her lover. Hazel and the child I once thought was mine and now couldn't make sense of what to do with. The pain in my chest grew again, a low, tight pressure that made it hard to breathe fully. I pressed my hand to it and closed my eyes, but the tightness remained.

The phone buzzed against my leg. The screen lit up with a number I recognized immediately though I hadn't seen it in years. Decades, at this point.

I stared at it for a long moment. Partially stunned that he was calling, and deeply resistant to answering. There were only a few reasons he would or could be calling right now, and I didn't want to deal with any of them.

Part of me, a tiny, insignificant, ridiculous part, wanted to believe that the call and everything that would follow was completely innocent.

Unfortunately, I wasn't drunk enough or desperate enough to really believe that.

I didn't answer. I couldn't. Not now. Not tonight. I didn’t have the strength left to talk to him, not with everything else unraveling around me. The call went to voicemail, leaving the car in silence once more.

The city faded behind us as the car merged onto the main highway, the lights of Brightclaw dimming in the distance like dying embers. My driver kept the car smooth and steady, the gentle rhythm of the road working against my exhaustion.

Little by little, my resistance weakened.

The ache behind my eyes pulled heavier with every passing mile. The weight in my chest, the war in my mind—it all dulled beneath the quiet hum of tires on asphalt. And before I realized it, my eyelids sank closed and I slipped down into the the easy depth of sleep.