Chapter 2

Lila's POV

I stood outside Hannah's door with my fingers wrapped so tight. Deep breath, Lila. You can do this. It's just a normal Friday night with friends, nothing to freak out about.

I pushed the door open and there he was.

Jake was on the couch with Cecilia draped all over him like she owned him, her head resting on his shoulder, wearing this smile. His arm was around her waist in that exact same casual, possessive way he used to hold me, and they looked like they'd been together forever, like the past three years of my life just never happened.

The conversation died the second I walked in.

Every single person in that living room turned to stare at me with these awkward, pitying faces that made me want to disappear into the floor. I knew right then that Jake had already introduced her, already made it official, already turned me into the ex-girlfriend, past tense, completely over and done with.

"Lila!" Hannah practically launched herself off her chair and grabbed my hand, dragging me toward the corner. "Oh my god, I had no idea Jake was bringing her, I swear I thought you guys were just taking a break—"

"It's fine," I cut her off and forced my mouth into something that probably looked like a smile. "We're done anyway."

I could see Jake from the corner of my eye, staring down at the floor while his fingers tightened on Cecilia's waist. I knew that gesture so well because that's exactly how he used to comfort me after we fought, and now he was doing it for her.

"Come on, don't be weird about this!" Cecilia stood up with her wine glass and walked over to me wearing this bright, cheerful smile. "What's done is done, right? We're all adults here and we can totally be friends."

My nails were digging into my palms so hard I thought I might draw blood. I wanted to tell her to go to hell, wanted to turn around and walk out, but everyone was watching and waiting to see what I'd do. If I left now, I'd just be the bitter ex who couldn't handle seeing them together.

"Of course," I said, and I took the wine glass Hannah shoved into my hand and downed the whole thing in one gulp.

The alcohol burned going down but it didn't even touch the cold, sick feeling in my chest.

The game started and everyone went back to laughing and drinking like nothing happened. Truth or Dare, the bottle spinning on the coffee table, people shouting and giggling, but every sound felt like it was scraping against my nerves.

The bottle landed on Cecilia.

"Truth!" she said, clapping her hands together.

"Most embarrassing moment?" someone called out.

Cecilia tilted her head like she was thinking really hard, and then she started laughing. "Oh my god, okay so this was super awkward the other day! This subscription box showed up at Jake's place and it was full of all this couple stuff, like candles and massage oils and whatever."

The entire room went silent and I felt my face start burning.

"I thought Jake ordered it as a surprise for me, but it turned out his ex ordered it." She covered her mouth but she was still smiling. "Like who keeps sending subscription boxes to their ex-boyfriend's apartment? That's pretty desperate, don't you think?"

Every single person turned to look at me and I wanted to die right there on Hannah's floor.

I thought it would be this sweet romantic gesture. Now it was just a joke for everyone to laugh at.

"Cecilia—" Hannah's voice had this warning edge to it.

"What? I just think it's funny." Cecilia blinked at her all innocent and then kept going. "Jake told me that he and his ex basically just had makeup sex instead of actually talking about their problems. They thought being good in bed meant they were in love or something, which is honestly just really sad."

I couldn't breathe and the room was spinning and all I could hear was her voice saying those words over and over.

Someone gasped and Hannah said "that's enough" in this sharp angry voice, and I heard the bottle fall off the table and roll across the floor. But none of that mattered because the only thing I could focus on was what Cecilia had just said, what Jake had apparently told her about us.

Makeup sex. Never actually communicated. Sad.

I made myself look at him and he was staring down at his drink with his jaw clenched and his fingers white around the glass, and he didn't say anything. He didn't tell her she was wrong, didn't defend what we had, didn't say a single word. His silence told me everything I needed to know.

Three years of my life and that's how he described it to her. Three years of loving him and being with him and thinking we had something real, and in his version we were just two people who were too stupid to communicate so we had sex instead.

"I need to get out of here." I stood up so fast my chair made this horrible scraping sound. "I have a headache and I need to go."

I grabbed my bag and basically ran for the door while Hannah called after me, but I couldn't stop because if I stopped I was going to completely fall apart in front of everyone.

Right as the door was closing behind me, I heard Cecilia say in this light, unbothered voice, "Oh no, is she mad? I was just joking around."

Just joking around.

I spent the entire next week hiding in my apartment and ignoring every single text and call and "are you okay?" message that came through. I went through my Instagram and deleted every photo of us together, three years of memories gone with a few taps on my phone. I shoved everything he'd ever given me into the back of my closet where I wouldn't have to look at it.

My friends kept trying to reach me but I couldn't face any of them because they'd all been there that night. They'd all heard what Cecilia said and they'd all seen Jake sit there and say nothing.

Then Emma called and she didn't give me a choice about answering.

"Lila, you cannot keep doing this to yourself," she said, and her voice was firm but kind. "Breakups are absolute hell, I know that, but you can't let this completely destroy you. Come hiking with me on Sunday and I'm bringing some new friends who don't know anything about your situation. It'll be good for you to get out and breathe some fresh air and be around people who just see you as you."

New friends who didn't know Jake and wouldn't look at me with pity and wouldn't whisper about subscription boxes and wouldn't know that my ex-boyfriend told his new girlfriend that our entire relationship was just sad people having sex instead of dealing with their issues.

I looked out my window and I thought maybe Emma was right.

Emma was from college and she had a completely different friend group that didn't overlap with Jake's world at all. No one would bring him up.

"Okay," I said. "I'll come."

When I hung up, I dug my hiking boots out of the closet.

This was going to be safe and different and exactly what I needed.

Just fresh air and new people who would see me as Lila, not as Jake's desperate ex-girlfriend who couldn't take a hint.

I should have known better than to let myself hope for anything.

I should have known the universe wasn't anywhere close to being done with me yet.