When I Stopped Looking Back
Coralie Sullivan · Ongoing · 9.9k Words
Introduction
The door opened. A strange girl wearing my vintage T-shirt smiled at me. On the coffee table, the couples subscription box I'd ordered lay open, massage oil gleaming with intimate promise in the sunlight.
"Jake surprised me with these last night," she chirped. "We had so much fun..."
Three days. We'd only been fighting for three days.
Chapter 1
Lila's POV
I'm standing in front of my mirror, adjusting the pleats of my skirt.
This floral dress, Jake's favorite. Last summer at the beach, he said the way sunlight hit the fabric looked like a Van Gogh painting. I remember his hands on my waist that day, his warm breath on my neck.
"Three and a half years," I whisper to my reflection. My hand trembles slightly as the mascara wand brushes my lashes. "We've been through worse."
On my phone screen, the order confirmation email sits quietly: Couples Subscription Box, massage oil set, intimate game cards. I stare at the "for couples" label, my heart pounding. Maybe we just need to break the ice first, then slowly talk through whatever made us need this space.
The oven releases its sweet aroma. I slip on the oven mitts and carefully remove the tray, Jake's favorite chocolate chip cookies, edges slightly crispy, centers soft and gooey, exactly how he likes them.
"You just dwell on the past too much." His words from three nights ago, right before he walked out, still echo in my ears.
I take a deep breath and arrange the cookies in a pretty box. Maybe he's right. Maybe I need to learn to let go of old wounds and focus on the present. I tie a ribbon around the box, imagining the smile that will spread across Jake's face when he sees it.
Before leaving, I stand in front of the mirror for a full minute.
"You can do this," I tell myself.
The 3 PM sunlight is so bright it makes me squint.
I'm standing outside Jake's apartment, the cookie box warm in my hands. I press the doorbell, my heart racing so fast it feels like it might burst from my chest.
The door opens.
A strange girl stands in the doorway, damp hair draped over her shoulders, wearing—
My breath stops.
That's my vintage band T-shirt. The Nirvana smiley face logo, with the tiny burn hole in the bottom left corner I accidentally made. I left an entire drawer of clothes at Jake's place. This was my favorite one.
"Hi?" The girl tilts her head, her smile sweet as syrup. "Are you here to pick up a package?"
My gaze drifts past her shoulder into the living room.
The subscription box.
That goddamn couples subscription box is already opened on the coffee table. The massage oil bottle gleams with an intimate sheen in the sunlight, the game dice scattered across the couch, the pink "for couples" label glaring like a slap in the face.
"I thought it was a surprise from Jake for me," the girl's voice chirps with cheerfulness. "These things are so cute, we were actually using them last night—"
"Cecilia."
Jake's voice cuts through from the bedroom.
When he walks out, his hair is still wet, wearing only sleep pants, suspicious scratch marks across his chest. The moment he sees me, something flickers in his eyes, but it quickly hardens into cold indifference.
"Lila." He says it flatly, like I'm a stranger. "This is Cecilia. My girlfriend."
Time freezes.
Three days. We've only been fighting for three days.
"Girlfriend? But we only, we're just taking space. We didn't break up."
"Lila." Jake's tone is ice-cold, "I thought we were done. You said you needed time to think. That usually means—"
"I said we needed space, not that we were over!" My voice cracks.
His gaze drops to the cookie box in my hands, then shifts to the subscription box on the table. A mocking smile curves his lips.
"Three days and you're already this desperate?" His voice drips with contempt. "You think baking some cookies and buying sex toys will fix everything? Lila, this is exactly your problem. You never actually face our issues. You just throw these superficial gestures at them and hope they disappear."
Cecilia covers her mouth, her eyes darting between us. "Oh my god, I really thought it was Jake's surprise... This is so awkward."
Her tone sounds apologetic, but I can see the triumph glinting in her eyes.
"Jake—" My throat feels like something's choking it.
"Some things are just over, Lila." Jake moves to Cecilia's side, his hand settling naturally on her waist. "You need to move on. We both do."
Cecilia leans into him, her fingers tracing circles on his chest.
I feel the entire world spinning. Mechanically, I set the cookie box down by the door, turn around, my steps unsteady.
"She looks so upset," Cecilia's saccharine voice floats behind me.
"Let her go." Jake's voice is as cold.
In my car, my hands shake so badly I can't get the key in the ignition.
My phone buzzes.
A message from Hannah pops up: "Friday game night at my place! You HAVE to come! Haven't seen you in forever!"
I stare at the screen, tears blurring my vision.
That's our friend group. Jake's friends, but mine too. After three and a half years together, I've built real friendships with them. If I don't go, doesn't that mean I'm admitting defeat?
And besides... Jake won't be that cruel. He'll maintain basic decency. He won't bring Cecilia. He wouldn't do that to me.
I take a deep breath, my trembling fingers typing on the screen: "I'll be there."
Send.
I lean against the steering wheel and close my eyes.
Maybe Jake's just acting impulsively. Maybe he'll regret this. Maybe at Friday's game night, we can still interact like civilized people.
What I don't know is that I'm wrong.
Dead wrong.
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