Chapter 3

Lila's POV

The morning sunlight was so bright it felt like the universe was mocking me.

I sat in my car, hands gripping the steering wheel, staring at that familiar silver SUV at the parking lot entrance. Jake's car. My brain was screaming at me to throw the car in reverse and get the hell out of there, but before I could move, Emma's voice cut through my panic.

"Lila!" She'd already gotten out of her car and was waving at me with way too much enthusiasm. "Come on! The trail entrance is right over there!"

Fuck. Too late.

I forced myself to breathe and pushed open my door. I could see Jake at the trail entrance, messing with his backpack straps, and standing right next to him was Cecilia, and oh my god, she was wearing that gray band T-shirt.

My T-shirt.

"Hey! Do you guys know each other?" Emma had already bounced over to Cecilia, completely oblivious. "This is Jake's girlfriend, Cecilia. Cecilia, this is Lila, my college roommate."

Cecilia turned around and the sunlight caught her face at this perfect angle that made her look like she was glowing. "Oh, we've met!" She said. "I'm Jake's girlfriend."

Then her eyes landed on me and stayed there for what felt like forever, and she looked down at the T-shirt she was wearing and touched the fabric. "You don't mind me wearing this, do you? Jake said it's his, super vintage." She tilted her head and her voice was all innocent curiosity. "He mentioned an ex left it behind, but since they broke up, I figured it was fair game, right?"

My throat closed up. I wanted to say "that's mine," I wanted to scream "you absolutely know that's mine," but Emma was looking at me with this worried expression and I couldn't make a scene in front of everyone.

"Of course I don't mind."

Jake finally looked up and his eyes touched my face for maybe half a second before sliding away. He grabbed Cecilia's hand. "We should go, everyone's waiting."

The entire hike was torture, and I'm pretty sure she planned every second of it.

Cecilia walked at the front of our group and stopped every ten minutes to take photos. She'd make Jake put his arm around her waist, kiss her forehead, and she'd hold up her phone to capture all these "candid" moments that were obviously staged.

"Jake, one more! The lighting's absolutely perfect from this angle!"

"Babe, can you hold my water bottle? I need to post this to my story real quick."

"Wait wait wait, I want to get a video. Say something romantic for me."

I stayed at the back of the group where I could pretend I was just enjoying nature or whatever. Emma kept glancing back at me with this concerned look and I could tell she wanted to say something, but every time she opened her mouth I'd jump in with "I'm totally fine, really."

When we got to the rest stop, I collapsed onto a bench and closed my eyes. I heard Cecilia's voice get all excited. "Oh my god, perfect! This one's definitely going on Instagram!"

I opened my eyes and watched her editing a photo on her phone. It was a shot of her and Jake at the summit, wrapped around each other. Her fingers were flying across the screen, adding filters and adjusting the brightness, and then she started tagging people.

I watched my Instagram handle pop up in her tag list and my stomach dropped.

My phone buzzed in my pocket. The notification lit up my screen: @cecilia_xo tagged you in a post.

I clicked on it even though I knew I shouldn't. The caption made me want to throw up: "Found this vintage tee in Jake's closet. He said it's from an ex who used to...never mind, too much info 😂💋 #newbeginnings #movingon #hikingvibes"

My hands were shaking as I scrolled through the comments. People were already liking it, someone wrote "You guys are so cute!", another person asked "Okay but what's the story though? 👀"

"That's your shirt, isn't it?" Emma's voice was quiet next to me, like she was scared someone would overhear.

I nodded because I didn't trust my voice.

"Jesus Christ." Emma's whisper was harsh. "This is so fucked up."

I just kept staring at my phone screen. The post was out there now, racking up likes and comments, my name tagged right there like I was part of some joke I didn't get. I couldn't delete it, couldn't say anything without looking pathetic, and I had to just sit there and watch this humiliation spread across social media in real time.

Nobody talked much on the hike back down.

Two weeks later, Kevin called me about the monthly dinner.

"Listen, you can't just ghost the entire friend group because of a breakup." His voice had that reasonable tone. "We're all friends here. Jake told me he's going to be completely mature about everything. If you don't show up, it's going to look like you're the one who can't handle being around him, you know?"

I was lying on my couch staring at the ceiling. "I really don't want to go, Kevin."

"Come on, you can't let one guy dictate whether you get to hang out with your friends." He paused and I could hear him choosing his words carefully. "And honestly? If you don't come, everyone's going to think you're still in love with him or something."

That got me. That stupid sentence wormed its way into my brain and made me angry enough to agree.

So I went, which was obviously a mistake.

When I walked in, everyone was already sitting around this long table. Jake was right in the middle with Cecilia practically glued to his side, their fingers laced together on top of the table where everyone could see.

Hannah spotted me first and her eyes went wide for a second before she recovered. "Lila! Hey! There's a seat right here!"

I sat down and immediately ordered wine because there was no way I was getting through this sober.

First glass went down easy. Second glass made the edges of the room softer. Third glass made the conversation around me sound far away and manageable. I was actually starting to think I might survive this dinner when Cecilia put down her wine glass and addressed the entire table.

"Oh my god, you guys, I have to tell you something." Her voice cut through all the other conversations and everyone turned to look at her. "Jake told me the funniest thing last night. He said that in three and a half years with Lila, his most vivid memories are all from the bedroom." She said it like she was sharing some amusing anecdote about a puppy or something.

Every conversation at the table died instantly. Everyone was staring at Cecilia, and then their eyes started sliding toward me.

Cecilia kept going and her voice had this sympathetic quality that made me want to flip the table. "He told me he can't really remember any emotional moments between them. He said every time they had a fight, they'd just have sex instead of actually talking about it." She sighed and shook her head like she felt so sorry for me. "It's kind of tragic when you think about it, right? A girl spends three and a half years thinking she's in a real relationship, and the whole time the guy just sees her as someone to sleep with."

My vision got blurry around the edges. I looked at Jake and he was sitting right there next to her, staring down at his wine glass, not saying a single word.

He wasn't denying it. He wasn't telling her to stop. He was just sitting there drinking his wine and letting her say these things about me in front of all our friends.

The air in the restaurant felt thick and nobody was talking. Hannah had her mouth open like she was trying to figure out what to say. Kevin coughed awkwardly. Emma's chair scraped against the floor. Everyone was just looking at me, waiting to see what I would do.

I put my wine glass down very carefully because my hands were shaking and I didn't trust myself not to throw it.

I stood up slowly and looked at Cecilia, and then at Jake, and then at every single person sitting at that table.

"At least I don't humiliate people in public to prove my relationship means something." My voice came out quieter than I expected but every word was crystal clear. "At least I don't have to tear someone else down just to make myself feel important."

I looked at everyone again. "I'm done coming to these dinners. I'm not doing this anymore, not while she's here."

I grabbed my coat and walked toward the door.

"Lila, wait—" Hannah started to get up.

"Don't." I didn't even turn around. "I'm fine."

I pushed through the door and the cold night air slapped me in the face. The restaurant lights got smaller behind me as I walked. My phone started buzzing in my pocket with message after message but I didn't look at any of them.

I just kept walking until I found this alley between two buildings and I finally let myself lean against the brick wall and cry.