I want to chill. Why do men keep falling for me?!

I want to chill. Why do men keep falling for me?!

Ilya Kazimir · Ongoing · 110.7k Words

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Introduction

At thirty-five, I finally die— only to wake up as Isabella Montague, the stunning heroine of a fantasy novel I wrote as a stupid teen.

My plan? A world-class retirement involving heavy naps and bottomless snacks.

But the 'perfect' men I created are ruining the plan.

The brooding Northern Duke won't stop watching me. The Golden Prince is convinced my disinterest is actually a challenge. My knight—and best friend—is ready to burn the world down if I so much as yawn. And a certain Elven noble who swore off humans keeps finding excuses to be near my tea.

They want my heart. I just want my pillow.

Too bad the world is cursed, the Queen wants me dead, and everyone keeps trying to put me on a throne I never asked for.

Can't a girl just chill?

Chapter 1

“Watch where you’re walking, bitch!”

Those are the words that wake Maeve from the slumber she’s in. Her high heels hurt from how long she’s been walking and she’s completely drenched by the rain falling on her.

And there’s a car that almost ran over her body a tiny little inch away from her thigh.

She stares at it, her brain numbing from the entire scenery happening.

“Hey!” She hears a door slamming… the owner of the car, probably. He comes out, and he’s a chubby male with an ugly looking bear as he yells, “I don’t know what fucking problem you got with me, ugly lady, but beat it, okay?! I’m not gonna take you to any fucking hospitals. I don’t owe you shit!”

Ugly. Ah. Yes. Maeve knew that already.

She had a very plain face. And maybe… maybe she had not taken better care of her body in the recent days that had passed. It wasn’t her fault though. There was already so little she could have done.

Her job was 9-9. She barely made enough to make rent. To survive rent. All she did was… she didn’t even fucking know.

So, yes, she smelled a bit and she looked ugly and tired. She didn’t know how her boyfriend chose her… but now, after seeing him humping her coworker… perhaps, he never did.

“Sorry,” Her own voice doesn’t sound like hers but she doesn’t care. She sounds numb and feels hollow as she walks away, hearing the man yelling more obscene words at her.

When she gets to the sidewalks, she finds a bench and pulls out her phone.

She needs help.

Maeve hands shake as she types in her siblings' names, trying to call each of them. The first one doesn’t go through. The second, she doesn’t try to call because she knows she is blocked. The third, she knows would only pick to yell at her. The fifth is her last option. “Hey, Johnny—”

“I really don’t have any more money to lend to you,”

She can hear the revulsion in his voice. The way he makes it clear that her presence was pointless and useless— and she knows he wishes she is dead. “I’m not calling for money, silly. I just… I just thought that maybe we should sit together, you know? Maybe have a drink once in a while?”

“Don’t you have like a million dollar debt to settle?” She hears him snort and scoff at the same tone. Her chest begins to hurt as she clenches her phone tighter while he continues, “God, you really are so pathetic. Look, you sold our family house, and could barely do what you needed to do as the oldest sister. You disgust me. And Jesus Christ, can’t you take more care of yourself? I don’t even know how your boyfriend stands you. You’re ugly, you’re stupid too, and you genuinely bring nothing but bad luck. That’s why the rest of us don’t talk to you. This is the last time we’re talking. Are we clear?”

And then he hangs up.

Maeve stares at her screen, watching it till her phone dies before a small sigh leaves her lips, “Ah. You too, huh?”

The rain falls even harder, soaking her body even more as she lets her head rest backwards on the bench.

She can feel the cold seeping into her skin, feeling the way she was certain that her heart was going to stop.

But Maeve finds her way back home.

She finds her way to the chair she places right underneath her fan with the rope on her hand, climbing it slowly as she drips wet, trying to be careful before her laptop flashed the words, “File Name: Every Man Wants Me. Want to read the file?”

Maeve stares at the story she wrote when she was sixteen and believed life could be better, a story she wrote when she thought that things would be better if she just hung on a bit longer, just… pretended that everything could be alright.

A book about a girl called Isabella Montague who was naive and clumsy in a world where women ruled and men stood below them. A world where a woman like her could be free to do and choose whatever she truly wanted without worrying about the consequences.

How stupid of her.

She scoffs as she turns away, her hands about to place the noose of the rope around her neck before she sees a flash of red… red eyes and black hair. The person appears right beside her, kicking the legs of the chair.

It all happens so fast.

One second, she’s on the chair, and the other? She’s falling over, the sound of the clock ticking loudly around her before she reaches the ground, her head hitting the ground—

And then she blacks out.

“Humans,” The strange being next to her says as it moves to her laptop, his eyes scanning the file. “Cowards of the highest order, I believe,”

It’s eyes move to Maeve who’s still unconscious on the floor before it turns back to the laptop and presses the word, “YES,”

Instantly, the laptop glitches, words scrambling across the screen before it suddenly goes black then forms the words, “WELCOME, AUTHOR,”

Then after another second, “AND GOODBYE,”

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