My Loving Husband, Don’t Let Me Love Alone

’I want a child, not the mother of a child.’

Those were his words—‘Toop Pasutha,’ a famous actor who begrudgingly married me. Every word he spoke at the dinner table in front of his parents was clear. Yet, after months of living together as a married couple, he—my so-called ’husband’—had never shown me love, nor even a hint of affection.

"What are you doing just standing there? Are you coming inside or not?"

I bit my lip until it hurt, took a deep breath, and shifted my gaze to him. He had already stepped out of the car and was walking toward me, irritation written all over his face and voice. I chose to remain silent, intending to avoid him by heading up the front steps of the house, which was now occupied only by the two of us.

"Let go, please."

But I was not quick enough; he grabbed my arm, forcing me to turn and face him.

"Why?"

Toop’s red lips asked the question, but his grip tightened on my arm.

"Don’t you usually go out of your way to get close to me? Or could it be that you couldn’t handle the truth I told my parents at dinner, and now you’re being more guarded?"

"Isn’t it my right to feel that way?"

"Anshan."

"I'm tired. I just want to go up and rest. Ow!"

Instead of ignoring me as he usually did, Toop pulled me toward him.

"That works out perfectly. You’re tired, but I’m in the mood."

"Ah, Mr. Toop!"

I yelped as he smirked wickedly, using his hand to grip the back of my neck. Standing one step above him on the stairs, I was pulled forward until our faces were inches apart. If it had been any other time, my heart might have fluttered at the proximity since such moments were rare. But not tonight.

"You heard me loud and clear before we left that house: I want a child."

My hands clenched tightly against the fabric of his shirt. Although I wanted to protest, my chest suddenly felt tight at his words, reminding me why we had married in the first place. Even so, as my husband, could he not at least be a little kinder or lie to me?

"Mother wanted us married to make a baby anyway. One more time tonight won’t hurt."

"Take off your shirt."

I cried out in frustration, pounding my fists against his back in protest from the front steps of the house to the bedroom on the second floor, deeply upset by his words. Once in the bedroom on the second floor, he set me down on the bed and moved to stand at its foot, undoing the buttons of his shirt.

"Why are you still not doing your duty?"

"I told you, I’m tired."

The actor smirked, tossing his unbuttoned shirt aside before climbing onto the bed. My eyes widened as I clutched the blanket tightly, my knuckles turning white. His larger frame loomed over me, pinning me in place. I tried to push him away, but just one look from him froze my hand mid-air, resting against his chest.

"Don’t you want me to fulfill my duties as your husband every night anyway?"

"Mr. Toop!"

"What? Cat got your tongue? But it seems like this part of you disagrees with your mouth."

"Ah."

I could not suppress a startled cry, biting my lip hard as my body and face flushed with heat. His hand had reached down, touching me through my pants.

"You’re awake now, aren’t you?"

"I-"

"What is it, Anshan?"

Toop’s smirk grew as he stared into my quivering eyes. My lips remained tightly pressed together as I avoided his gaze. Slowly, I began unbuttoning my shirt.

He prepared me, using a lubricant as his fingers moved. Soon after, he entered me, his actions deliberate and gradual. There were no comforting kisses to muffle my stifled cries, which could not be held back. The intimacy that stretched deep into the night was at odds with his cruel words earlier, contrasting starkly with the care he showed in his actions.

"If I get pregnant, will you be kind to me? Will you show me even a little attention, Mr. Toop?"

I murmured to myself as I stood washing the dishes in the kitchen after breakfast I ate alone. Yesterday, while having dinner with his parents, Toop mentioned that he had no filming scheduled today. Yet, when I woke up this morning, he was not there. The man who held me close, despite not loving me, was gone. My husband, married to me under the law, had a relationship with me that no one knew about, apart from those closest to us.

Part of this was because Toop was a well-known actor. While his parents would not have objected if I wanted to make our relationship public, he had remained indifferent on the matter. At the same time, I did not want him to become the subject of unpredictable headlines, so we lived quietly together. I allowed myself to hope, that one day Toop might love me. But his words yesterday made it painfully clear that such dreams were far-fetched.

“Miss Thian.”

I inhaled deeply to push away the ache in my chest, then walked over to check my phone, which was ringing.

“Yes, Miss Thian?”

[I’m going to get mad now, you know.]

“Yes?”

I replied into the phone, confused, my brows furrowed.

But before the person on the other end could complain further, I remembered something.

“P’Thian.”

“You’re the sweetest, little sister-in-law.”

I could only offer a weak smile at my phone and sighed quietly.

Miss Thian—or P’Thian—did not like me addressing her formally as ’Miss’ because she felt it made us seem distant. But for me, being called sister-in-law felt awkward. Even though I was one of the men of this era who could get pregnant, outwardly and emotionally, I was still a man. So, being married to another man while being called little sister-in-law" by Toop’s cousin was something I was not used to.

“Why are you so quiet, Anshan? Ah! Oh no, I’ve gone and teased you with something you don’t like again, haven’t I? I’m sorry, Anshan. It just slipped out.”

“No—no, it’s not that, P’Thian. I wasn’t quiet because of that.”

I had simply been lost in thought. Although her way of addressing me felt unfamiliar, it was not terrible. However, if P’Thian ever called me little brother-in-law in Toop’s presence, he would undoubtedly be upset.

“By the way, P’Thian, is there something you needed? Why are you calling so early?”

To avoid misunderstandings, I quickly changed the subject.

“Oh, right. I was just about to say, I’ll swing by to pick you up for some shopping soon.”

I blinked rapidly, thinking, again?

Previously, I had gone out shopping with P’Thian and Toop. During those times, Toop would always wear a stern expression—not because he was worried about being recognized as Toop Pasutha, the celebrity, but because P’Thian constantly teased him by urging me to stand closer to him. Eventually, as I became more familiar with shopping with P’Thian, she started taking me out on her own, almost as if we were a pair.

Since marrying Toop, this was probably the fifth time I had gone out one-on-one with just his cousin.

“Anshan, what do you think of this perfume?”

I bent down slightly to test the scent of the perfume bottle P’Thian handed me.

“It’s a bit too strong, I think. But if you’re interested in this brand.”

I smiled at the sales assistant and picked up another bottle to test.

“This one might be a little mild, but I think it suits you, P’Thian.”

“Let me see.”

Standing beside me, she leaned in closer to catch the scent.

“Aha. This one smells perfect! I’ll take two of these.”

The sales assistant smiled brightly, taking the bottle and signaling to another staff member standing nearby. Seeing how delighted P’Thian was with the scent, I could not help but smile along with her.

“Huh?”

P’Thian giggled as she sprayed the perfume she had me test onto the front of my shirt.

"I think this scent is lovely. It suits you, Anshan."

My brows probably furrowed a bit. While I agreed that the scent was indeed pleasant, I did not use perfume. P’Thian, as if understanding, gave me a longing look before her eyes sparkled again moments later.

"Just keep it for now, okay? Miss, we’ll take two more bottles of this scent."

"P’Thian."

She smiled at me.

"Take it. Think of it as a gift from me."

P’Thian always gave me something whenever we went out together, though I did not have the chance to tell her this time.

"Let’s go find something delicious to eat next."

From feeling awkward and conflicted, I could not help but smile. Although I had not known her for long, P’Thian had shown me great care, paying attention to so many things about me. As for Toop...

"I remember you mentioned wanting grilled barbecue last time. Let’s go for some after this."

I smiled at P’Thian, deciding to leave thoughts about that husband of mine—Toop—behind.

It was not weird that he did not know nor care about me since he did not love me.

"What are you looking at, Anshan?"

After lunch, P’Thian and I were still at the mall. We had gone up to look at clothes, but I was drawn to a baby goods store nearby.

"These shoes, they’re cute."

"Oh, is the little one on the way?"

P’Thian teased, her eyes sparkling even more, leaving me too reluctant to say no.

"Not yet."

P’Thian hesitated briefly before smiling and squeezing my shoulder.

"Not today, but soon enough, a little one as adorable as you will surely come along. But honestly, if your baby is taking so long, it must be Toop’s fault—his seeds must not be any good."

She was referring to her cousin, who was also my husband. The two had been close since childhood, but in this matter, I did not know how to respond. Was it Toop who had a problem, or was it me? Still, I believed that one day, the little one would come, though I had no idea when.

"Should we get these just in case?"

"Huh?"

"These, of course."

P’Thian gestured to the tiny shoes on display, almost scooping up the entire shelf.

"Let’s take them all. They’ll be ready for my future niece or nephew."

"Oh, P’Thian."

I shook my head with a smile,

unable to help thinking about the day P’Thian herself had a child. She would no doubt be overly excited and shower them with love. Just look at her now—if I really were pregnant, no one would be happier than P’Thian.

"Are you sure you don’t want any?"

I smiled again and shook my head. I wanted them, but I would wait for another day.

"Shall we head back now?"

P’Thian pouted as I changed the subject, then hooked her arm around mine, as she loved to do.

"Not yet. Let’s go to one more place first. I’ve got a surprise~"

Even though I was confused, I followed her. It was better than heading home now, only to end up alone as always.

"P’Thian."

I called out to her as she walked beside me. She turned and smiled warmly at the staff in this multi-story building. This was the company where Toop and P’Thian’s family had held shares for decades. I had been here a few times before, but not often.

“What is it, Anshan?”

“Why did you bring me here?”

“I told you already.”

P’Thian looped her arm through mine, flashing a cheerful smile.

“Surprise~”

Even with her answer, I still did not quite understand. It was not until the elevator brought us to the top floor of this massive building, and we stood in front of Toop’s office, that realization began to dawn on me.

“I called Toop and found out he’s here today. Let’s go in.”

“But Mr. Toop might not—”

“If he dares to say anything, I’ll slap him myself.”

I wanted to protest, but P’Thian’s quick hands pushed the door open, and we stepped inside together. I glanced around, expecting to see Toop looking annoyed at my presence. However, the sight before me made my heart skip a beat.

“Ahhh!”