Pregnant and Betrayed

24 years ago

“Mrs King, please send Larkin Heist to the front office she is being signed out”, the voice sounded over the intercom into my 2nd period science class.

My head snapped up, surprise etched across my face. Why was I going home?  I gathered my belongings and waved bye to my best friend Hope sitting next to me, her face mirroring my same confusion.

Walking down the hallway toward the office I passed the brightly colored banners promoting the 7th grade dance next week. Hope and I already had our dresses, hers was yellow and mine blue of course. Hope’s mom, Ms Racheal, was going to drop us off and my mom would pick us up and take us to my house for a sleepover. I was so excited! My mom was even planning on taking me to get my hair done at a fancy salon that afternoon.

Ms Racheal and my mom Vivienne had been attached at the hip since their sophomore year of high school. They both had been dating the same ding-dong at the same time without knowing it. Once they discovered each other they both dropped him and have been best friends ever since, which is how I got my best friend I guess so thank you to that silly boy from all those years ago.  My mom and Racheal are such good friends that they even planned the kids they wanted and got them! Both wanted a boy and girl, Hope has a brother named Chris who just turned 15 and I have a little brother Finn who’s just 6 still.

As I round the corner into the front office I don’t see my mom but Ms Racheal instead. For a second I think there’s been a mistake and they meant to call Hope. She turns when she hears me come in and I know instantly that something is wrong. Her face is blotchy and her usually wavy perfect hair looks like she’s been running her hands through it nonstop. After I finish taking in the unfamiliar version of this woman I’ve known my whole life, I notice that the other office ladies have stopped working to turn my way and one wipes her eyes? What’s going on?

“Larkin sweetheart come here” Racheal calls to me with open arms, she grabs me and kisses my head breathing in the scent of my hair.

The hug she envelopes me in is warm but I notice shes shaking slightly. I’m so confused I’ve never seen her like this and its making me nervous.  She takes my backpack and slings it over her shoulder then takes my small hand and leads me outside to her car. Ms Racheal drives to the public library less than a mile away, behind the library is a lake and a small garden with shaded benches where you could come out to read if you wanted.

Sitting on the bench with her she holds both my hands and takes a deep breathe.

“Larkin honey, this morning when Finn got up he had a fever….”  Racheal started but I cut her off.

“Oh I know, my mom was going to take him to the doctor, is Finn ok?” Panic started to bubble in me at the mention of Finn, he had been sick last night and this morning and my mom was going to take him to the pediatrician. Was that why she was being so weird? Was Finn really sick?

“Larkin look at me, take a deep breath. I want you to know that me and Mr Bob are here for you when I tell you this.” Her eyes well with tears for a moment then she steals herself and continues.

“Larkin, your mom and Finn where in a very serious accident on the way to the doctor this morning….”  I can feel the cold sweat start at the top of my head, I want to see my mom right now….

“…they were taken downtown to the hospital…” I want to see my mom right NOW….

“…the doctors worked very very hard on both of them but sweetheart they were hurt really bad…”

“I want to see my mom!” I stood and all but yelled at her. Tears slipped down her cheeks

“ I know you do baby” Racheal softly says pulling me into her lap. “The doctors worked very hard to help them both but they were hurt so bad they couldn’t do anymore and Finn and your mom…” she chokes up and starts rocking side to side with me still in her arms.

I feel like the world has stopped, even the birds have stopped singing. She didn’t say the words but she said it all. I can no longer see myself in any kind of future without my mom. I can’t just go on living normal without her here. My mom. I’ll never get to call her mom again.  I’ll never see Finn again. I can’t breath. I can’t breath!

Racheal rocks me there for I don’t even know how long. She eventually brings me back to her house and settles me onto her couch with the blanket I keep here for the constant sleepovers. I even have some pajamas and toys here that are technically mine.  I can hear her talking with Hope and Chris’s dad, Mr Bob, they are discussing my father quietly in the kitchen just off the living room. I think she put me in here so she can see me while they talk.

“He’s in horrible shape, I don’t think he can take her tonight, I don’t even know if he’s going to make it home” Racheal said sadly to Bob. She’s talking about my dad.  I wondered for a moment earlier why she came to get me and not him but I was surprised I hadn’t thought about him again before now. Everything just felt numb. Will I feel things again?  Am I a bad person for not being more concerned about him before right now?

“Ill go up to the hospital once the kids get home and you’re ok, I’ll make sure Paul’s not alone if he stays there.” Bob answered her rubbing his hand up and down her back. “I know that this is devastating for you too, I love you we will all get through this together.” he said kissing her forehead.

I must have dosed off listening to them because when I woke up it was hours later. The sun was setting now and Hope was laying with me on the couch. Her face had dried tear streaks down her cheeks. Chris walked in a moment later and seemed surprised to see me awake. He gave me a crooked smile and inched closer to the couch. I kept my eyes down the whole time.

“Hey I didn’t expect to see you up, are you hungry? It’s past dinner time”.

“No, I’m not hungry” I spoke to my lap.

Chris mover closer to me so I could see his sock covered feet next to the couch. I looked up at him and the pity in his eyes caught my breath. I hadn’t acknowledged their deaths yet with anyone besides Racheal.  It was almost like someone else confirming it to my face made it more real than it had felt yet. The tears started before I knew they were falling. Chris quickly pulled me up off the couch into a hug and was just quiet with me. A moment later Hope was hugging me from behind.

“Im so sorry Larkin” Hope began to sniffle, I’m so glad to have them with me now. I don’t know what I would do without them.  A few minutes later Racheal came in through the garage looking 10 years older some how.

“Hey kids” she came over and joined us. “Larkin you’re going to stay with us tonight ok? Mr Bob is going to help your dad  take care of a few things then he’s going to be by in the morning to see you for a bit”. She stroked my cheek as she said this then lead me away to Hope’s room with her close behind.  I climbed into her bed and she put on my favorite show. Hope crawled up next to me on the pillow and I turned into her shoulder, letting my grief and exhaustion pull me back into sleep.

I woke early the next morning and for a moment forget everything. I looked around Hope’s room and her sleeping form next to me. We had a sleepover? Isn’t it a school day? What day is it? Instantly yesterday came flooding back to me. My mom, Finn. My entire body went cold as I laid there in the cool blue light of early morning and cried. I’m supposed to see my dad today. I want to see him so bad but I’m also terrified to see him upset. I had dream last night that this was a mistake and my dad actually took my mom and brother on a trip leaving me with Hope. Im afraid to see him without them.

Ms Racheal softy poked her head in the cracked door to check on us and her eyes light up a little seeing me awake.

“Good morning sweet girl, Mr Bob is on his way over with your dad, do you want any help getting up?”

“Do I have to get dressed? I don’t have another clothes” I whispered looking at the pajamas I was wearing.

“No honey you don’t have to do anything, are you hungry at all? You didn’t have dinner”.

“No I’m not hungry” I slide out of bed and walked out into the hall with her. She hugs me and leads me to the living room tucked under her arm. Once settled back on the couch with my blanket again she goes to make a pot of coffee.

“Im going to let Hope stay home with you today ok?” I knew she would be home today as well.  She sat with me on the couch in silence for only a few mins before we heard the garage door and Mr Bob walked in followed closely by my dad. Seeing each other unleashed a wave of emotions for both of us and while I ran to him he almost pushed me away? Bob looked panicked at the situation and his eyes darted to Racheal for help. She crossed the room quickly to hold my dad and whispered in his ear while reaching to for me.

“Im so sorry Larkin” my dad sobbed. He looked to be a shell of himself from when I saw him just yesterday morning. Had it only been since yesterday? I feel years older already.

“Im so sorry” he continued again “I should have been here before now, I just….” His sobs racked his body, Ms Racheal grabbed his shoulder in silent support. “She looks just like her, she’s so much like Vivienne….” I could hear him whisper mumbling to her. He started to sob again and the whole scene, the whole situation really was too much. I need my dad still, he’s the only parent I have now he can’t completely check out on me, what if he can never be around me because I look like my mom? I need him I lost them both too! Bob and Racheal tried desperately to calm and comfort him while at the same time my breathing was becoming impossible. The room was getting smaller and I couldn’t even hear them anymore.

“Ive got you Larkin”

What? What’s that?

“Im here Larkin breathe”. I looked up to see Chris. He had pulled me away from the happenings in the living room into the kitchen.  We just stared at each other for a few mins until he put a glass of orange juice in my hands.

“Drink this please” he asked.

I did and we continued to stare at each other in silence until Ms Racheal came in. She immediately hugged me, thanking Chris for removing me.

“Larkin honey your dad is going to stay with your grandparents for a little bit ok?” I just continued to stare at Chris.

“You’re going to stay here with us and Hope until he’s feeling a little better. I’m going to take care of anything you need and we will work through whatever comes up together”.

For the next few days I don’t eat much or remember much honestly. Hope stayed home with me the rest of that week and Ms Racheal covered me under her mom umbrella. My dad started speaking with me, like really speaking with me 5 days after they had passed. He was going through a different version of this then I was and while his initial reaction was still hard I missed him and needed him. He was going to come back from my grandparents in 2 days and then we would have the funerals. After that I would be going home for the first time since the day it all happened. Going home to a new future and an unwanted reality.