His Burning Gaze

Today is the day. You look hot, and you are killing it in life

At least that is what I tell myself as I look in the mirror at what I had become. It has been one whole year since my divorce finalized. My best friend planned a getaway to get me out of the negative slump I am in.

Note to younger self, do not get married straight out of high school just to escape your small-town problems. The problems just follow you all the way across the country. And I learned that you cannot escape the pain.

Well, I am looking forward to a few days on a faraway tropical island, miles from the real world. For once, it would be nice to escape a reality that involved Jared. I thought that once I divorced that man, my life would go on like a breeze.

Never in a million years did I think he would jump ship with the newspaper. And I was shocked to see he joined the team at the magazine company I work for. I roll my eyes every time that I have to address him as Mr. White, my boss. Gross.

Women in the office do not acknowledge me because I decided to divorce him. He is a real charmer, and no woman could understand why I would divorce a man like that. A total catch, if you like catching a broken heart with a six-pack under that button-up.

Our relationship was not bad until the end. There was a time in my life that I needed him to heal and cope with things. He used to be there for me. That time has come and gone.

I thought that moving to the city would be good for us, but it only changed us. He flourished in the city and the social life. Me, on the other hand, I became introverted and co-dependent.

I had only been with one man and had no clue what I wanted out of life. No one taught me how to talk to a boy or how to have a mutually beneficial relationship. Everyone just used or tormented me, so why try at all?

Most people wondered why he settled for a girl like me, and they bullied me about it. I am a shy girl with big secret ambitions, but I tend to keep to myself too much. No wonder I have not been on a date since my marriage had ended. It was not just because needed time to grieve for the love I had lost; it was because this world is full of people with cruel intentions.

Jared started dating the second our separation was stamped by the county clerk. I would not put it past him to slide his number to the clerk because she was young and beautiful. He liked anything that sparkled and did not seem to appreciate what he had.

I thought I could be beautiful with a little effort, but the only person I was kidding was myself. He would have cheated on me, even if I were a runway fashion model. I guess that is why he got his secretary pregnant a month after our divorce.

Consumed with packing when I heard the slamming of the front door. The noise pulled me from my thoughts, but this building was safe. I have never been scared to live here as a single woman in the city.

Peeking out of my door, I see Jenny rush to her room like she was being chased by a swarm of bees. The doorman in the lobby knows who she is because I gave her my spare key. This is her home away from home.

Jenny "technically" lives with her parents and is not allowed to move out until she gets married. I let her stay here with me for sleepovers. I have a guest room that she has personalized to her liking.

She brings all her dates here so that her parents think she is as innocent as she looks. She has pale silky skin, flawless curly red hair, and the perfect runner’s body. Slim and fit. Her librarian-style glasses showcase her icy blue eyes, and the lack of makeup makes her a natural beauty.

Since I do not bring guys home, she just texts me a heads-up that she has a guy over. That gives me time to hit up a local cafe to catch up on my reading list or watch live performances. Jenny is a free spirit, and I was happy to call her my best friend.

I am the opposite of Jenny. I am shy, quiet, and reclusive. My self-confidence left long before Jared and I split. Not sure that I knew what confidence felt like.

Not having a mother teach me how to be a woman was my excuse. I used it all of my life to justify not living life to the fullest. Jenny had been trying to help push me in the right direction and teach me how to be a woman.

It was normal for me not to put any effort into myself, and I am okay with that... I think. I have sworn off love, sex, and men in general. Jenny thinks that I need to put myself out there, but I do not even know where to begin.

Hopefully, this trip would help me find my sense of adventure and love for life. I wanted to be more like Jenny, free-spirited and sexually adventurous. She keeps telling me that good sex will solve all of my problems.

She did all our shopping for the trip, so I am sure that she is in her room packing my outfits before I protest. Maybe this trip will be good for me, maybe I will even get laid. Being that I have only been with Jared… I am freaking out a little.

Jenny pops out of her room and walks towards my room with a devious smile.

“Hey Leah, I am just about finished packing OUR bags. The only things you need to pack are your toiletries and a carry-on. We are going to be so hot! Also, I checked online, and our flight is on time. We need to leave in about 2 hours so that we can make it through TSA with enough time to hit the bar before our flight. Are you almost ready to go?”

“I am, just have to finish packing my bag. Hey, where are we going?! You are being so secretive.”, I protest.

“LEAH! You are not bringing anything! Seriously! I will pay the baggage handlers to lose your bag!”, she walked over to me and grabbed my hands.

“I swear it will be fun and you will turn heads in everything you wear…or do not wear!”, she winked as she let go and slapped my butt.

My face was full of fear and confusion as I stared at her.

“Seriously, loosen up and live a little. Do not be a negative Nancy! We are going to a tropical island in another country to relax while sipping on daiquiris and getting laid! I heard about this place from a friend of a friend.” She exclaimed.

My adoptive mother’s name was Nancy, and she was very negative. Jenny liked to call me that to make me mad and push me into whatever horrible plan she had made for us. She was the fun and adventurous one… not me.

But I just scoffed “Fine”, crossed my arms, and stomped around my room like a pouting child.

All I could hear was her laughing as she went back to her room.

Okay, two hours… two hours. What to do? I have been ready since I woke up. As much as I am dreading this trip, I am also secretly excited.

Jenny made me get my passport a few years back. We had intentions of traveling the world and seeing the most exotic places. Jared never let me go away, and then I was too depressed to travel after the divorce. I did not have any intentions of traveling, but I am glad she made plans for us.

She was in full control of our trip and our appearances.

I do not own any makeup, just a habit that I got from my marriage. At first, he loved my natural beauty, but by the end of our relationship, he was superficial. In the end, he started telling me what I could wear, where I could go, and what I could to do.

We had been together since I was 15, and we got married at 18, but we were friends for 6 years first. He was what I needed when I met him and as we grew, we drifted in different directions. Now that we are over, I needed to start living for myself.

What Jenny said just popped into my head again.

What did she mean about not wearing anything?

Pulling out my phone, I Googled countries with nude beaches. Everything I read says that you do not have to go nude, phew. Not ready to live that wild yet.

I am comfortable in a one-piece and with a few drinks I might squeeze into a two-piece, but I would NEVER go nude. It looks like other countries are more open to displaying sexuality and nudity. The good ‘old U.S. of A can be a prude, but I like it that way.

Well, I guess I can take a little nap before we go. If I stay on Google, then I will not be able to relax.

As I dozed off; I tell myself, nothing will go wrong. It is just a getaway to a tropical island to relax and refresh before I start a new chapter in my life. Jenny knows I am not wild and crazy.

But then again, I did not plan the trip...