Loving my Brother's Best Friend

Loving My Brother's Best Friend

Faith-Anne & Josh - Prelude: The Lie

7 years ago

Faith-Anne

Something’s hurt worse than other things. They crack your heart open leaving it in a shattered mess of pain. The type of pain that you will feel the rest of your life. No amount of glue was meant to fix something like this. Somethings just feel like you can’t come back from it. Faith-Anne knew this had always been the destiny of this 18 year old’s heart. But, she never expected it to hurt quite like this. It was supposed to be a summer fling. This was the moment she would have begging anyone for a different outcome. She knew Josh and that is what made this hurt that much more. This is what had broken her more anything else.

This summer had been the best year of her life. It was something she would never forget nor would she ever want to. Even, if she had known this is how it was all going to end. But, the memories of the summer swirled thick in her head spinning over and over like a broken record. It preyed on her insecurities screaming them through her entire body. It wasn’t enough, she wasn’t enough, she would never be enough for him. The fun moment didn’t mean shit in the end. Faith-Anne knew she loved him but, he just couldn't love her. The feeling of his warm touch still burned her skin. It was now a faint memory of what could have been. “Josh…” I love you

The shower’s water burned into her skin as she curled into the tub. Every part of her was trying to pull alway from the pain of her broken heart. The tight prickle and slow shatter of glass hung deep inside of her heart. A deep guttural cry filled the space between her causing her to gag the more she lost herself in her grief. If only she hadn’t lied to him maybe it would’ve changed it all. If only she had told Josh how far she had fell. This lie felt like the death of her 18 year old heart. The shower pelted down against her skin. She begged for the warmth of the steaming water to take the pain away, her voice croaked out, “forgive me for not…” The moment her life changed forever.

Josh

Josh prided himself on not being like his father. It was one of the things that he had promised himself as long as he could remember. But, when he watched her walk away, it took every part of him not to shoving his fist through a wall. He knew she meant something to him and he had just made the biggest mistake of his life. He knew that he was watching the love of his life leave his side at the ripe old age of 20. Now his destiny was to be a hallow shell of man he once was. This summer was supposed to be fun and fucking the girl of his dreams, not full of pain and heartbreak. It had been fun for the most part but, the ending was something he had wished would never come. But, something are destined to happen. They were never going to become more than two people who fucked hard and long for a few months. It was what they agreed on but, if that was the case why did it hurt so fucking hard.

Josh knew that Faith-Anne was never his to have maybe that is why he sabotaged it. He wouldn't be able to give her the family, the white picket fence or any of the shit she deserved. She needed to get as far from him as she possibly could. His head hit hard against the wall and finally let himself beat his fist against it till sharp pain radiated through his knuckles. His knees came crashing down hard on the floor like a piano being pushed out a window on to pavement. A deep pain radiating straight to the bone but, it felt nothing like what he was feeling in his chest. “Faith-Anne…” I love you. Those fucking words he still couldn't seem to muster through his lips. His chest felt tight as it felt like sharp razors of emotion were going down his throat and straight to his chest. He knew he would never heal from this. Josh didn't want to heal from this. He wanted to remember how painful it felt and how bad he had broke his sweet little bear. It was the least he could do for being the type of asshole he was.

Honesty. Honest. He kept chanting in his head over and over again. Josh had always promised himself one thing. He would always be truthful, no matter how hard it might be. But, when it all came down to it. He couldn’t do it. He didn't have it in him to be honest with Faith-Anne. So he lied through is teeth like a dumb-ass. He would never forgive himself for this. It was all his fault that the two of them would never make it. He had to much trauma and couldn't force himself out of his own shit. But, it was safe. What if he couldn't stop himself from turning into his family? He wasn’t willing to lose his family. He wasn’t willing to potentially lose her. Having her as a friend sounded better than nothing at all or that is the lie he would have to convince himself the rest of his life. His head hung so low that it felt like it might go through the floor, “forgive me little bear…” the moment he swore never to let himself love again.

Josh's hands continued crashing over and over again against the brick wall. The call of a bottle shouting through his heart. He needed something cause this pain just wouldn't go away. The way she made him feel was the kinda stuff you hear about in the movies. Now she was a distant memory of what he could have had. Fuck.