To Live Is To Fight

I straightened out the blue graduation dress and fixed the slightly out of place cap. Looking around for any familiar faces, I fidgeted with the rope that dangled off my graduation hat, trying to shake the nerves out of my system.

‘Bravo, Case. You're able to street fight like you're cycling but you can't even walk with your back straight and a confident look on your face in these heels,' my conscience chided me.

I sighed, my brain's right, this is stupid. Get a grip, Case.

It was like ever since I left that hospital, everything in my life fell apart and everything that I've planned perfectly was shredded. I was no longer the same Cassandra. After everything that has happened, from being the small little girl who was lost in this world to that girl who fought through life, I have been reduced to simply being that girl who's trying to survive.

My mind decided to wander off to the previous night where I had the out-of-schedule phone call with Preston.

'What happened? Is he alright?" I asked without greetings, as usual. Preston's voice was terse and I heard the tension in it, different from his usual calm tone whenever we have this weekly call.

'It's bad, Case. We don't know where he is anymore. At first, Cali realized that he's never in his room after a week of being discharged. So, I was on night watch to see for myself, and she's right, he's been sneaking out almost every night lately and now, he has run away from home."

I sucked in a breath, sitting on the edge of my bed with my elbows resting on my knees. This wasn't part of the plan.

'I plan to find him and I will. Don't worry about it, he's going to be alright," Preston's voice was heavy with worry and I could hear how tired he was.

'Thanks for keeping me updated, Pres. I owe you," I sighed, my shoulders sagging even further.

'You owe me nothing, Case. You did the right thing. My brother's going to be alright, don't worry," with that, he ended the call and I threw myself onto the bed.

'Did I really?" I asked into the empty room.

I made this decision thinking that he'll go back to his daily routine before he met me. I cut all ties to keep him away from all the danger that seems to haunt me. I knew it wasn't fair on him because I did it without consulting him but it was for the best.

I would be putting everyone in danger if I had stayed around.

The family moved to the other side of the town that was an hour away from where I was and they transferred Adam to another school so I didn't have to see him every day and dodge him in the halls every minute.

Of course I visit once a month to meet up with the kids, Jerry and Preston but I made sure that Adam was staying over at someone's house every time I did. It was for the best.

‘Is it, really?' my conscience bit. My will to stay away was slowly crumbling.

I kept chanting that this was for the best; that it was for his safety; just to convince myself and hang on to that thread that's keeping me from reaching out towards him but doubt was catching up to me.

Nothing makes sense anymore. What is wrong with me? He's just a guy; just a guy.

‘A guy that you love,' my conscience reminded and I grabbed onto a pillow to stuff my face against and muffle my groan. Dammit.

I'll just visit. Straight after the graduation, I'll get Preston to convince him to have a guy's night with his friends and I'll meet up with the kids and spend some time with them. Maybe if I reminded myself of who I was trying to protect by keeping my distance, my will would solidify again.

So here I was, waiting for my turn to be called onto the stage, receive that diploma and get the hell out of this town to gain that new start with new faces and the lack of dramas a college provides.

No Adam.

I sighed at my own thoughts; fucking conscience.

The line moved and soon, students were finally being called up the stage. I wiped my clammy hands on the graduation dress that covered the dress that Mom bought for me.

My parents had postponed their business trip and moved the date of their departure to this afternoon after the graduation ceremony. It was sweet because I knew they were constantly worried about the business.

I climbed up the stairs slowly, trying not to step on my own dress with these killer heels and trip before breaking my neck. I took a short glimpse of the crowd and saw both of my parents beaming at me, with my mom holding her phone to record the whole thing.

I blushed, thinking about how ridiculous I must look with this hairdo and makeup on. This isn't me but it was just for a few moments; I'll live.

Walking further onto the stage, the sound my heels made as they clicked against the hard surface had me wincing slightly. Soon enough, I was face to face with the principal himself, who smiled warmly at me, congratulated me and handed me the certificate while moving the rope hanging off my graduation hat to the right.

Immediately, I could feel a slight burden being lifted from my shoulders.

I did it. I survived high school.

We turned and faced the cameraman that took our picture and for a second, something else caught my attention.