Unboxing My Beastmen Went Wrong
Agatha Christie · Completed · 8.1k Words
Introduction
The ad was ridiculously over-the-top—gentle, considerate, perfect at housework, and could even cure anxiety and insomnia. The girls in the reviews said their lives transformed overnight, work stress just... gone.
I was dead tired, eyes barely staying open. Just glanced at the photo and hit purchase. Golden hair, amber eyes, two cute little fangs when he smiled—looked sweet.
Pink option looked prettier than blue. Done.
I didn't catch the tiny line of text flashing at the bottom: Grade A Product - Adults Only - Full Intimate Services
Three days later, the doorbell rang.
I opened the door to boxes way bigger than I'd expected.
Way bigger.
Chapter 1
On the twenty-first night of insomnia, I ordered a beastman at 3 AM.
The ad was ridiculously over-the-top—gentle, considerate, perfect at housework, and could even cure anxiety and insomnia. The girls in the reviews said their lives transformed overnight, work stress just... gone.
I was dead tired, eyes barely staying open. Just glanced at the photo and hit purchase. Golden hair, amber eyes, two cute little fangs when he smiled—looked sweet.
Pink option looked prettier than blue. Done.
I didn't catch the tiny line of text flashing at the bottom: Grade A Product - Adults Only - Full Intimate Services
Three days later, the doorbell rang.
I opened the door to boxes way bigger than I'd expected.
Way bigger.
Briar's POV
"Sign here, ma'am."
The delivery guy shoved a tablet at me. I groggily scribbled my signature, then stared at two massive metal crates blocking my doorway.
Two?
I rubbed my eyes. Yep, two. Each one tall as a grown man.
My phone buzzed.
BeastCage.com Customer Service: Congratulations! You've unlocked our secret bonus! Twin blood-bonded beastmen—buy one, get one FREE!
Buy one get one free? I only paid for one.
Whatever. Returns are a pain anyway. I dragged the crates inside and popped open the first one following the manual.
The hydraulic locks hissed.
A man stepped out.
No—a panther beastman.
Tall. Sculpted muscles flowing under dark skin that gleamed under my apartment lights. Round black ears perched on his head, amber eyes locked on me with vertical pupils. Sharp canines flashed when he smiled.
Photo-perfect.
Except he was wearing... practically nothing.
A leather harness barely covered his chest. Low-slung pants hung on sharp hip bones, carved abs on full display. Behind him, a thick black tail swayed lazily.
You need to dress like THAT for housework?
"Hello, Master." His voice was deep, carefully respectful. "I'm Cain."
"Uh, hey." Being called Master felt weird. "I'm Briar. You can just use my—"
"CRASH!"
The second crate exploded open.
A wolf beastman lunged out like a predator mid-hunt. Silver-gray hair, pointed ears, ice-blue eyes. Leaner than Cain but more defined, all sharp edges. Scar slashing across his left eyebrow.
He wore even less—just leather straps crisscrossing bare skin.
A long fluffy gray tail whipped behind him. Looked soft. Probably felt amazing.
He stared at me hard for three seconds, something dangerous flickering in his gaze. Then he snorted and strutted straight into my place.
Not even a hello.
"Excuse me—" I froze.
Cain's ears twitched anxiously. "Apologies, Master. My brother... Dylan!"
The one called Dylan had already yanked open my fridge, scowling. "This garbage is all you eat?"
"That's MY fridge!" I rushed over. "You can't just—"
"I'm here to take care of you." He turned, ice-blue eyes pinning me in place. "Taking care means checking your diet. Obviously, you need someone to handle you."
So cocky. So matter-of-fact. I actually had no comeback.
"Dylan, don't speak to Master that way." Cain approached, offering me a polite smile. "Sorry. We'll serve you properly. What do you need? Cleaning? Dinner?"
I glanced at the sea of takeout boxes littering my floor, then at Mount Laundry in the corner.
"Everything." I sighed. "But first—why two? I only bought one."
Cain and Dylan locked eyes.
"We're twins," Cain explained. "Born with a blood bond. We're never sold separately."
"Blood bond?"
"It means..." Cain searched for words. "We share a mental link. What one feels, the other senses too."
Sounded mystical, but beastmen were genetically engineered anyway. Supernatural abilities? Sure, why not.
"So... like a two-for-one deal?"
"Exactly." Dylan leaned against my fridge, arms crossed. "You scored."
His face screamed you should be kissing my feet right now.
I was becoming convinced this brother had serious attitude problems.
"So, um..." I gestured at their barely-there outfits. "Do you guys have actual clothes? This... doesn't seem practical for chores?"
Cain glanced down, ear tips flushing pink. "This is our standard uniform. If it bothers you, we can change."
"Standard uniform? For housework? In THIS?" This company's dress code was insane.
Dylan smirked. "What exactly did you think we're here for?"
"Housework, obviously." I stated flatly. "Cleaning, cooking, keeping me company. I'm drowning in work stress, can't sleep, need help managing things."
Both beastmen froze.
They exchanged another look.
This one lasted way longer.
Dylan's expression twisted—like he was fighting not to laugh and losing. Cain looked completely shell-shocked, ears locked rigid.
"What?" My stomach dropped. "Is there a problem?"
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