If Men Had Babies

When a woman meets a man, sometimes the woman will decide that she wants to spend quality time with him and ask him out on a date, although there is nothing wrong if he takes initiative and takes care of business himself.

After all, a man shouldn’t be judged for being desperate.

Once both parties are agreeable to spending time together, they will get to know one another and after a certain amount of time, she will have a heart-to-heart talk with his mother and seek her permission to marry him. (On very rare occasions, the male will do the asking, but they are harshly criticized by outsiders when doing this, so they are usually deterred).

After they marry and only after on their wedding night, they will open one another's hearts, souls and bodies to their partners-in-love.

They will start gazing into each other's eyes, move on to holding hands, a little bit of kissing and if they both feel comfortable, they will move on to the most intimate of connections.

They will join their bodies as one and mate.

If the woman is a kind and giving partner, she will lavish attention upon the man until his penis is rock hard and rigid making things easier for him and less painful, especially, if it's his first time. Once that happens, she will gently stand above him and with all the care in the world she will lower her body until her vaginal opening is holding his penis just right at the entrance.

Ever so slowly, she will start to descend her body on him until she has taken as much of his penis inside of her as she can.

Again, his comfort is key.

If there is ease on both sides she will start bouncing up and down, or moving back and forth, or undulating in circular motions, whatever feels good. If she is a caring lover, she will ask her mate what he likes and if he's doing okay.

Eventually, after a good long session of constant motion, a really good feeling will begin on both sides, however, if the male is not experiencing pleasure that could either mean he is doing something wrong or maybe he's thinking way too much.

Now, how are babies made, you ask?

As the woman is bouncing on the male penis while her G-Spot is being stimulated, an ovum (or egg cell) will start its journey by exiting her ovaries, and from there every bounce will get the little egg to move a bit closer to its ultimate destination: into the male.

As the woman begins to experience climax, the strength of the orgasm will push the little egg outside her uterus, through her cervix and if the male penis is long enough, it'll shoot straight into him through his urethra where nature's phenomena, "Poseidon's Pull" will pull the egg atop the ejaculatory duct where it will either be destroyed and pushed out by the male ejaculation. If the man is going through his fertile period, ejaculation will be slowed to give reproduction a chance.

If the ovum is fertilized as soon as a sperm joins it, it will travel quickly into the male's 'Zeus's Cavity,' which sits near the belly button. This is when the male falls pregnant, or ‘nested’.

In males only, the belly button is made of muscle so as to allow for expansion during childbirth, (aka: life expulsion) after nine months.

Being that it is an extremely painful process, most men choose to have a scheduled C-section. As that too is a painful process, not many families have more than one child.

If the female decides to support her mate through the pregnancy process, ducts in her breasts will be activated by an emotional bond (called The Venus Bond,) and that ties her to the child. When the child is born, she will feed the child through her bosom, or if she chooses to "sit this one out," formula feeding is also an option for the male.

Part 2: A Lesson in Manstruation, Manpons and Man Belts

Once every two months males will go through their manstruation process. During this process, thin, yellow, amniotic fluid that has been filling the Zeus’s Cavity in preparation for a sustaining life, will slowly ooze through their belly buttons if there is no life to sustain.

As can be Imagined this process can get rather messy so men can contain the oozing liquid a number of ways. The most popular methods so far are manpons: small bits of super-packed cotton, formed in the shape of miniature bullets that fit snuggly in the belly button. As belly buttons come in all sizes, so do the manpons.

For men with belly buttons that are either not deep enough to hold a manpon or those that protrude from the belly, there are belts that go around a man’s waist with a pocket where leakproof gauzes can be inserted and changed.

Symptoms of manstruation process can include malaise, bloating, headaches, body aches, excessive gas, sudden onset temperature changes, and abdominal cramping, thankfully women scientists came up with hundreds of medications to control these symptoms, after all, these are the holy vessels that produce life. They go through enough pain with the one child they push out.

A male is most fertile two-weeks after his manstruation process has concluded, and only for two days, as that is when the amniotic fluid has filled the Zeus's Cavity just enough and is still clean enough to sustain life.