Invisible Until I'm Gone

With thirty minutes left before the Common App portal closed, my entire family was huddled around Lumina's laptop.

"Columbia," my older brother, Kael urged, tapping her screen. "I'm already there. I'll look out for you."

"Yale," Cove, our childhood friend, countered, sliding a glossy brochure across the kitchen island. "We promised, Lumi. Four more years."

Behind them, our parents beamed.

"Anywhere in the Northeast is perfect," Mom cooed.

It took them ten minutes to remember I was sitting at the exact same island, staring at my own application.

"Sorrel, just pick a safety school in New England," Dad said. "Somewhere close to your sister."

"Yeah, keep us in the same region for weekend dinners," Kael added.

Cove shot me his usual exasperated look. "Don't tell me you forgot to finalize your list again."

My fingers tightened on the trackpad.

When we were kids, Lumina was the princess. Kael was her knight, and Cove was the prince hacking through the briars to save her.

And me? I was always the wicked witch, the background villain everyone tolerated just to make the game work.

Growing up hadn't changed the script.

If they didn't want me in their picture, fine. I'd pick the farthest pin on the map.

...

When I didn't say anything, Cove sighed, tapping his fingers impatiently on the counter.

"Lumina and I are both putting down Columbia as our early round. Just pick a school in New York already."

My eyes dropped to my own screen. The College Board tab was still open.

A perfect SAT score. The highest in the entire state. A number that guaranteed me a spot in either of those elite Northeast universities they were obsessing over.

Not that anyone in this room cared enough to ask.

After we walked out of the testing center last month, Lumina had burst into delicate, photogenic tears.

"I think I panicked," she'd sobbed into Cove's jacket. "I ruined my chances."

Thalyn and Rian had immediately rushed in, assuring her that test scores didn't matter, that they would just dip into their savings and send her to a private arts college in Paris if needed.

Kael had laughed it off.

"Who cares? I'll graduate and make enough on Wall Street to let you live in luxury."

It was Cove whose words had stung the most.

He had stroked her hair and whispered, "Lumi, even on your worst day, your score will still be higher than Sorrel's. If it comes down to it, we can both take a gap year, and I'll tutor you. We can even tutor Sorrel while we're at it."

In their reality, I was nothing but the dull, gray backdrop meant to make Lumina shine brighter.

She was the golden child, inheriting every flawless genetic trait our parents had to offer. People gravitated to her sparkling personality and effortlessly bright smile.

Me? I was just average. Invisible.

The highest compliment any relative ever managed to scrape together for me was, "She's so compliant."

When I was younger, I thought being compliant was a good thing. I thought it meant they loved me.

So I never pitched a fit when Thalyn bought Lumina designer dresses while I wore the clearance rack.

I never caused a scene when Kael brought home artisanal pastries just for Lumina.

I didn't even complain when they gave Lumina the gooey center of the brownies and left me the burnt edges. I just swallowed it down.

Whenever I did, Rian would pat my head and say, "Sorrel is so well-behaved. She knows how to take care of her sister."

In high school, Lumina and Cove were the power duo, constantly trading the valedictorian spot. I was categorized as the slow learner, perpetually hovering around the top hundred but never breaking into their elite stratosphere.

Now, I had finally outrun them all. But the inertia of their prejudice was so strong, they still honestly believed I was the same useless, unremarkable Sorrel Morn.

I looked across the island at Cove.

"You've been talking about Yale since freshman year. Are you really giving it up?"

Cove frowned, shooting me a condescending smirk.

"What's the difference between Yale and Columbia? The only thing that matters is where Lumi wants to be."

I looked at him. Really looked at him. And suddenly, my lingering desire to be part of this group felt incredibly pathetic.

Without a word, I moved my cursor away from the Northeast regional colleges. I typed into the search bar, looking for a public flagship university deep in the American South.

It was a sprawling campus with a direct-admit PhD chemistry track. It was fifteen hundred miles away from this kitchen island.

Click. Submit. Confirm.

Done.