Tainted

I was running down a slope. Around me, in the tenebrous darkness, there was snow everywhere, and I wasn’t properly dressed for such a hostile, freezing environment, but I didn’t have any time to ponder on this. I had to slip away, and I kept going. My lungs demanded more oxygen and burnt from the lack of it, while my legs slowly turned numb from the pain and the cold.

Suddenly, I came to an abrupt halt. In front of me was a cliff and I had already reached the edge. My blood thrummed in my veins so loud that I could almost hear it with my ears. They were closing in on me.

There was no escape. Only an election out of two equally destructive alternatives. I would go down anyway and my only available choice was the way for that. I turned and tried to fathom how much time I had left before they caught me. It wouldn’t be long and I couldn’t fight them off. No matter how good I was, I was solo, with no support at all.

How I wish you were here to guide me now, mum and dad! What am I to do? Why did you leave me alone in the dark like that?

With one last glance behind me, my choice is made; I can’t let them get me. With my eyes guided towards the full moon and not removing them from it; I take the final leap with a smile plastered on my lips.

I arise, sitting up with a startled, violent gasp. Yet another weird dream. Just another nightmare, but they seem more alive every time. And they progress one step at a time in no particular order, making it impossible to put the pieces together. In all of them, the substantial components are the darkness and my solitude.

Like an ominous warning, I shouldn’t trust anyone. I was alone for a long while in the past and just as I thought this was over, the tables have turned again.

My feet bring me to the big glass door leading to the gardens. The guest room is submerged in the blackness of the late night hours. Further away in the distance are the orderly flowerbeds with the dark red roses and the path heading there with the flat stones and the soft grass is compelling me to walk there barefoot, to get the tickling sensation of the humid dew under my toes and allow the smell of the rich soil to fill my nostrils.

The enchanting image may calm my racing heartbeat down, but still, deep in my mind and heart, I know the nightmares are indeed a warning. Maybe my subconscious is trying to prevent me from investing on the wrong people. With so many sides involved, who is right and who is wrong? But the growing intensity of the dreams indicates just one thing… the only way out is to take this leap in faith, consequences be damned…