The Virginity I Traded for Illusions

The adoptive brother I'd been secretly in love with for a decade took my virginity on the night of my twentieth birthday, fueled by alcohol.

I thought I had finally found love.

Until I stood outside his half-open apartment door and heard his teammates mocking me.

"Damn, Dax, you actually slept with Elara? That boring good girl?"

My hand froze mid-air above the doorknob.

Dax's tone was dripping with contempt. "Look closely at her face. It's exactly like Cassandra's, isn't it?"

"It's no big deal. She revolves around me every single day. All it took was crooking a finger."

"With Cassandra gone, she's the perfect stand-in to kill time."

The room instantly erupted into a fit of unbridled, mocking laughter.

I dug my nails fiercely into my palms, opened my phone, and found the email I had deliberately ignored for a month.

[Florence Academy of Fine Arts — Exchange Program Confirmation]

...

The second the page refreshed, my phone vibrated. It was a direct call from the program director.

"Elara? You've finally made a decision? You were so hesitant before."

Just because Dax had once half-jokingly said, "Italy is too far, and I don't have time for a time-zone relationship," I had held off on clicking 'accept'.

Only at this moment did I completely wake up.

The intimate whispers and touches I had drowned in last night were never meant for me.

Instead, I had become a willing joke.

I squeezed my eyes shut, forced down my emotions, and gave him a firm answer: "Yes. I'm sure."

"That's wonderful. You just need to come in and sign tomorrow. The visa could be issued in as little as three days."

"Okay."

The moment I hung up, the screen lit up again. Dax's name flashed across the display.

"Where are you? The whole team is waiting for you to cut the cake. Why aren't you here yet?"

I clenched my jaw, forcefully swallowing the dryness in my throat.

"I'm not feeling well. I went back to my dorm to sleep."

A two-second pause on the other end. "Throwing a tantrum? Do I need to come back and check on you?"

"No need. I already took a pill."

I hung up the phone and numbly opened Instagram.

The very first post on my feed was an updated group photo from the college team's account.

In a dimly lit corner, Dax was possessively hugging a woman with wavy blonde hair, flashing an arrogant smile.

It was Cassandra, who had just returned from Europe last week. Dax's first love.

Before going abroad, Cassandra was the school's most eye-catching cheer captain. Hot, wealthy, she and Dax were the undisputed golden couple on campus.

When Cassandra left for Europe without a word, Dax completely fell apart.

I was the one who rushed into the bars time and time again, dragging his dead-drunk body back to the apartment.

I watched over him for three whole months until he finally put that highly coveted quarterback jersey back on.

I thought that chapter of the past was long closed. Until Cassandra made her high-profile return.

Last night, using alcohol as an excuse, Dax pinned me against the mattress like a madman and took my virginity.

Afterwards, nestled against his chest, I asked him if he still wasn't over Cassandra.

He had let out a soft chuckle.

"Don't mention her," he said, staring into my eyes. "You're the one beside me right now."

I zoomed in on the photo on my screen, looking at Cassandra's eyes, nose bridge, and jawline—all identical to mine.

I was nothing but a temporary replacement put on the shelf just because the real owner was absent.

I actually thought my years of secret longing had finally been answered; I was stupid enough to mistake it for love.

It turned out to be nothing but a ridiculous one-woman show.

All the hopes I had harbored for so long turned into bone-chilling humiliation at this moment.

It was time for me to wake up from this self-deceiving dream.

At noon the next day, barely had I sat down with my lunch tray when the brazen gossip from the next table drifted over.

"Did you hear? Dax got back with his ex."

"Of course, Dax has been waiting forever. What the hell is Elara?"

"A cheap knockoff. Now that the authentic version is back, the fake obviously gets tossed in the trash."

Mia, sitting across from me, slammed her water glass onto the table.

"These nosy bastards! You even gave up Rhode Island School of Design for Dax! If he dares to dump you just because Cassandra is back, I'm going to go rip him apart today—"

When I was ten, a fire took my parents' lives.

Taking pity on me, Dax's parents brought me out of the orphanage and into their home.

From then on, we were raised under the same roof. He took great care of me growing up. As a teenager, I hopelessly fell in love with him.

To keep pace with him, I gave up my own dreams and hid my shining edges.

Over the years, our friends made plenty of jokes about us. Yet Dax never bothered to clear things up.

So I kept sinking deeper, firmly believing that sooner or later, we would be together.

Instead, reality ruthlessly slapped me in the face.

I forcefully swallowed the sourness in my nose, stubbornly pulling a smile.

"They're right."

Mia froze.

I continued, "The real deal is back, so the knockoff needs to step aside. I've already gotten permission for the exchange program in Florence. I fly out in three days."

Mia gasped sharply and gripped my wrist. "Good for you! To hell with Dax, and to hell with all these bastards!"

Right as she finished speaking, my phone buzzed.

Dax sent a text message: [Don't miss the welcome party tonight.]

I stared at the screen. I had no intention of letting him know I was leaving ahead of time.

To ensure nothing went wrong over these last three days, I typed a reply.

[Okay.]

The moment I pushed the door open, the heavy bass vibrated through the floorboards.

Everyone's gazes hit me like spotlights, laced with mockery and the ugly human desire to watch a trainwreck.

Dax was leaning back on the center sofa.

Hearing the noise, his eyes lingered on me for exactly half a second before darting away without an ounce of reluctance, landing right back on Cassandra, who was sitting next to him.

The crowd around them began cheering wildly. Dax picked up his vodka glass, hooking his arm through Cassandra's.

Right in front of my eyes, they tilted their heads back and drained their drinks. Then, Cassandra leaned in, her red lips leaving a vivid kiss mark on his cheek.

The room erupted.

A violent wave of nausea churned in my stomach.

Just being here made me the ultimate punchline.

While everyone's attention was consumed by the chaotic revelry, I planned to slip away unnoticed.

But I didn't expect Cassandra to start walking toward me.